One of the mistakes I have repeatedly made in my life, and I’m still not even sure it’s a mistake, is to trust people to be decent, honest and forthright. Perhaps even to a fault- I hope for people I love, even when they have shown that trusting them is really not such a hot idea, to be decent human beings. And, in my life, this has come back, again and again, to bite me in the butt.
My husband told me, once upon a time, that in life, “lessons will repeat until learned”. That’s kind of frightening, if you think about it… things that are difficult and challenging for you will continue to happen, until you make the effort to get it, learn, and ultimately are allowed to move on.
I may finally get it.
My heart is tender beyond all reasoning at the moment. Being a person who prides herself on being honest and frank, it is painful when confronted with people who do not value the same virtues… the problem really lies not in their choice of virtues, however- but in my assumptions that they are functioning with openness, as I would. Learning that you are bounding along, thinking everyone is on the same page, only to have the book slammed on you and find yourself all alone is jolting and leaves you stunned and seeing stars. The problem is with my perceptions, my lack of guard, and my willingness to overlook the small voice of my spirit that warns me, Jiminy Cricket-like, that I am in dangerous waters.
So what’s the lesson? What is it I need to get, so I can finally move on?
Trust your Cricket. Don’t drown out the voice of the Spirit with logic and hopes for the improbable and unlikely. That, and people are pack animals… and will often single out the different one, if only to lift themselves up in their world and make themselves feel better, damn the consequences.
My heart is so sore. And I am so sorry it is that way, but sacrificing my dignity, my sense of self, or my children on the altars of others is no longer an option.
Make it so.