Complicated Pasts

So today I got an email from someone waaaaaay back in my past. A little back-story- oh crap, there is no human way to make the back-story on this one little. She is an ex-girlfriend of my husband’s. And, she is now married to the man I was seriously involved with for over three years. She and her husband are hosting a wedding for… wait for it…. the man I was dating at 17, who introduced me to my husband. Yeah. Really.

See, long ago, David and I ran with a, um… looser crowd.  To be fair, I’m certain we aren’t the only ones who’ve grown up. From her email, it’s clear they are now much like us- married, kids, house- all that.  But it’s still weird.

For close to ten years, this woman’s life and mine were painfully intertwined. We ran in the same social circles, we dated, and in some cases, loved, the same men, and I can speak with all certainty, we caused each other much heartache. And yet… I was oddly pleased to see an email from her.

Has enough time gone by, water under the bridge, all that, that we can reminisce? Really, there is no one in my current social circle that knows my history, knows what my life used to be like, except my husband. This woman was there for many life-changing events- she was a part of some of the most tumultuous times in my life. We knew each other as teens, into our twenties and we grew from girls into women during that time.

Were we friends? No. I could never claim that. But… there was always something there. We were fascinated by each other. The men who loved her ended up loving me, and the men who loved me, ended up loving her. On quick glance, we couldn’t seem more different- and yet, I suspect we were more alike than anyone knew. 

It’s been- holy cow- maybe 13 years since I’ve seen her. I think, think, the last time was when my recently broken-up boyfriend came to my house to take our dogs from me. She was in the car. I remember hating her. Not only was the man I had loved taking my beloved dogs, but she was there to see my pain. She’s married to that man now. They have two kids. He belonged with her.

See? Complicated. What think you? If you had the ability to reconnect with someone from your past, someone like this, would you?

 

19 thoughts on “Complicated Pasts

  1. I dunno. Things like that….well, and it’s hard to know if the pain is really gone. I’d probably be up for a little, ‘Hey, how are you, yup, I’m all good” email, but I wouldn’t want to go get pedis with her or anything.

  2. This is a tough one. I think it depends on all the parties involved, I mean, it’s not just you and her, it you two and your husbands and their feelings as well.

    My first ‘thought I loved him’ high school boyfriend googled me and the letters began. It began as an apology on his part and ended up with him returning to Tibet because he couldn’t handle real life, so there you go. Although Thor never said so, or even implied it, I am sure he wasn’t keen on the idea of my writing this guy…however innocent. Just sayin’.

    With this woman, you risk a lot. Where is her motivation coming from? Try looking down the road a few months or even a year into this renewed friendship and see all the angles, what could go wrong, what could go right, what and who is most at risk of having their feelings hurt, and number one how will this play out in your house when all is said and done?

  3. I could see maybe a “hey, how are ya?” e-mail or two and then maybe stick her on the Christmas card list.

    I’m all for forgiveness and moving on and leaving the past in the past, but I wouldn’t want to inadvertently stir up any unpleasant feelings.

    Interesting backstory, though!

  4. I’m gonna agree with the others… I don’t think I’d start inviting her over for dinner or anything, but a quick email to update her on your life would probably be good.

  5. Good luck whatever you do. If you keep it simple, there won’t be anything later that you felt you should of done differently. Sorry he took your dogs from you, that would put anyone on my bad side too.

  6. Yeah- I ran it by David- and I think a general “Hi, howareya” is OK- I mean, we’ve both wondered aloud to each other over the years how they were doing. I am curious.

    She does live two states away, so there is no real risk of having them over to dinner- if they were closer, I think I would be far more reluctant.

    Oh, and we are not going to the wedding. That’s just toooooo much.

  7. Oh yeah, and my life is like a movie? You have noooo idea! You gotta remember, I joined the church at 29 when I was already married and a mother!

    Consequently, I have wandered down paths your mama warned you about. All I can say is “She was right”.

  8. Hmmm….maybe one or two emails. Maybe not. It’s hard to say. Good luck. Hey, I just found out I unknowingly blogged about a regular reader, so what do I know?

  9. What everyone else said (including you). I’m sure it was curiosity more than anything that prompted her contacting you…just like you are curious about her/them, etc…

  10. I’d vote for a quick howdy, and then add them to the Christmas card list.

    I’m very sorry to say that many old girlfriends/boyfriends reach out when things start to go South in their current relationships. In essence they are writing to say, “I’m going to be free soon. How about you?”

    It may not be the case in your situation, but then again it might.

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