Your Opinion: Fancy-ness

Beanie is having a Dress day. And by that I mean, he is wearing a dress. I give up. He has boxers on underneath the little white dress with yellow cherries on it. The cherries have blue ribbons tying them, and those blue ribbons make it a “boy dress”. That’s my boy.

Actually, there is something so innocent about it; it endears him to me. Soon enough, the day will come when he knows about pressure and fitting in, and he’ll begin to self-edit. I’m glad, while he is young, and my other children are open and sweet enough not to tease him, he feels safe enough to just be who he is. He also has a new pair of these shoes, courtesy of a friend…

You think I’m kidding? Nope. He wears them to church. With the fancy pants. Does that freak you out? Would it freak your husband out? Should I care more than I do? How would you feel if your little boy preferred things like this? And I mean, really, strongly preferred things like this? Would you try and force the more typical “boy” outfits? Or would  you take my tact and just roll with it? Are there pitfalls with either method? What think ye, oh mighty mamas? And you, too, Ray…

17 thoughts on “Your Opinion: Fancy-ness

  1. My husband would not be able to handle it. He would *want* to be ok with it, ideally, but he thinks boys should dress like boys and have haircuts like boys.

    We have three boys and a girl, and our oldest boy likes to wear his sister’s high heels from her dress-up box. Dh has a hard time with that.

  2. I see no problem with it. How boring would it be, if every little boy and little girl were the same? Embrace his creativity. He got it from you!

  3. All of my kids played “dress up”, mixing gender based clothes, shoes, etc. All of my kids played in the make up, with purses, and lots of jewelry. I was their primary role model. Kind of made sense to me, and besides it was fun to pretend you were either mommy or daddy at sometime.

    I have to confess I did not allow “dress up” out side of the house, I just am one of those “Hey go put on some good clothes we need to go out.” kind of moms. It didn’t really have much to do with pink shoes or pearls with a suit. It just wasn’t “proper”. (yes I’m old.)

    It bugged Thor a bit, but not so much he ever said anything out loud about. His mother chimed in one day during a visit. Her words: “They’re ‘going to be good parents some day.” I have no idea what her reasoning was, but she added that each of her children also played with both mommy and daddy clothes, hat, shoes, jewelry, etc.

    Each of my kids grew out of the “dress up” stage before kindergarten, so I didn’t think much of it.

    Later, in jr. high and high school there were other gender bending items, that would come up. The mens’ suit the girls wore (admittedly fem’d up a bit with jewelry and or flower pins, hot pink belt, etc. -it was the 80’s- think of what they could have chose to wear!), the skirt made of mens’ ties, the wearing of ties (heck I have a larger tie collection than Thor or my boys put together, and wore a tie to work everyday for several years.) The boys weren’t into anything feminine, save all of them wanting to, at some point, wear a kilt “’cause that’s just way cool.” They also wanted to toss big huge logs and toss a boulder via catapult, but that’s another comment.

    I, again, have to admit that if in later years the boys went out in a dress or obvious female clothing or make up I would take notice. The same if the girls wore their “boy clothes” in a way that made them more of a statement rather than fashion.

  4. My DH would have a problem with it. Honestly and truely I would probably feel somewhat uncomfortable with it (but then I’m such a tomboy that when my daughter wants sequins it makes me uncomfortable). But you are his Mom and you have the best personality/world view/skills/perceptions to benefit him. So if you’re OK then don’t doubt yourself.

    Most likely if you were to turn it into an issue it would blow up in your face. He would start to wonder why he shouldn’t like what he likes, if there is something wrong with him, etc. Or if he has a rebellious streak like me the more you tell him not to wear it the more he’ll want to.

  5. I don’t know how I would feel, maybe a bit weird because I would feel the pressure of others thinking that he should dress this way or that way. I don’t think DH would like it. Its good to see that at such a young age he has the confidence, and doesn’t care how others see him and can just be care free and be comfortable in his own skin, or clothes! I like how you are rollign with it now. With so many other things that there will be to worry about or that there will need to be some things your way, why stress over a thing like this now.

  6. Arrrg, sorry I just noticed that I was posting under my dog blog identity it saved it here for some reason. I think you are an awesome mom, and you love to see your kids happy!

  7. My favorite line from my husband during the J-Boy’s cross-dressing days, as my son was swirling happily outside our apartment door. “J! Put your dress down! You don’t have any underwear on! [looks at me] Hm…that’s just double weird.” That’s about as worked up as my husband ever got about it.

  8. As you know, I only have girls. They all have very strong preferences with what they will or will not wear. And for my own sanity, I don’t make a fuss with any of their clothing choices unless it isn’t modest or weather-appropriate. I probably would do the same as you.

    Luckily for Beanie, many girl styles are pretty hip right now for boys. Wearing pink is totally cool, tight skinny jeans, and eyeliner is all the rage around here. Hey, a skirt isn’t too far off from a kilt.

  9. I think it’s important for us to teach our kids that the world doesn’t divide rigidly into girl-things and boy-things. Like colors are for everyone. Flowers are for everyone. Cars are for everyone. I don’t think you should make a big deal out of his preferences–it’s fine and healthy and he’l grow out of it soon enough. But I think it can be taken too far. We also need to teach our children that men and women aren’t the same thing. The whole “gender is a divinely…” thing.

  10. I think you’re doing it right. Soon enough you’ll notice he hasn’t had a “dress day” in years and then get a little sad that the baby has grown up. I think you ought to take lots of pictures, too!

  11. You have to admit that he has good taste (cherries are totally IN this season, along with birds….). Do you also think that it has something to do with his sensory stuff?

    I personally would worry more about a child that was unable to show strong preferences for ANYTHING (I have one like that). An child that is apathetic in most things can be very hard to motiviate…so I take it as a good sign that he has his opinions.

    My husband wouldn’t have a problem with it, but might feel worried about how others would view it and how it would affect their perception of the child… but they are so little. Who cares? He has done this since he was really little, right? This is just part of who he is…

    I have one that has never liked clothes. Ever and will take all his clothes off the minute he is allowed to. That is just how he came and I have a feeling that is how he is going to stay.

    I love the shoes!! Like I said. Good taste, beanie.

  12. My little four year old boy is a twin with a girl. When they play dress up he prefers the yellow “Belle” dress. My husband shakes his head and I sneak blackmail pictures. He is simply interested in doing what his sister is. The first time he asked to have his nails painted I suggested clear polish. The second time I explained that it was a girl thing, although I hated that it instantly excluded him from our activity. I’m not worried about him wanting to wear a dress or nail polish, etc. I think he is just learning about the things around him and his personal tastes. Besides, if your son is saying his dress is a “boy dress” he already understands there are gender differences.

    Funny, I put up a post on how my kids dress yesterday, and how I wonder what people in public think of their mix and match outfits.

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