I promised my kids I would not swear anymore, and that’s a good thing, but if I hadn’t made that promise, I would be all over this thing like a Sailor on Leave. Dudes. What have they DONE to sweet little Dora??
Abby is kind of shaped like the first-edition Dora- football headed, adventure seeking, sneaker wearing, sensible shorts, trusty backpack wearing Dora is a staple in our domicile. I mean, it’s Dora. She has adventures. She is a little girl.
What is that other exotic creature in ballet-flats going to do when Swiper steals Boots? What will she do when they have to cross the muddy river and climb blueberry mountain? Are those shoes going to cut it? And where is Backpack, Backpack? Those ridiculous ties on her shirt are going get snagged in some jungle vine and cause her to fall in quicksand.
What happened to her eyes? They went from nice brown eyes to oddly glistening anime orbs. Her ears are pierced, her lips are glossy pink, and… and…At least we are spared the Bratz lipliner- but it’s a push on the rest. Her skin is ever so slightly lighter, (this really bothers me) and her hair is highlighted. What have they done to Dora?
Is Swiper going to show up with grill and pager? Has Backpack morphed into a Louis Vuitton bag? And what of Boots? What of the monkey? Does Fancy New Dora hang with a primate? Or did she donate him to the zoo when he started to… go all Marcel?
The end is near. The President chose Leno over Letterman, Target has failed me, and Dora’s poppin’ Xenadrine. Or… Am I just getting old?