Bury My Heart

My soon-to-be Ex has not realized that there are clocks in the world, and that some hours are unseemly for phone calls. I’ve gotten calls at 1:10 in the morning, 11:30 at night 6:04 am, and at assorted times in between. This morning, he called to cancel his scheduled visit with our children today. It would have been only the third time he’s seen them since October 1st, but hey, some things are more important I guess.

I am determined to get through this without becoming bitter or angry, but sometimes it’s really, really hard. The task of telling the kids Dad has made other plans fall on me, and they have been counting the days until they see him all week. The part that kills me is the little seeds of hope and happiness this extinguishes inside of them. Dammit, it’s not fair! And while I can take a ton of unfairness myself, my heart just cannot absorb seeing their sweet innocence hurt by the idiotic choices of someone they love.

I promise not to let this renting take over my life. I just haven’t figured out where or how to dig the trenches and erect the ramparts.

6 thoughts on “Bury My Heart

  1. I went through this as a child. The cheating father, the divorce, the disappointment of canceled plans, the desperately held-back tears in my mom’s eyes. The best (unsolicited) advice I can give is to not try to cover up the disappointment with a “fun day at the carnival”. It only makes the kids feel worse about what they were going to do. Instead, spend the day at home. Make a craft, build a lego house, bake a batch of cookies and deliver them to a friend’s house in the neighborhood. It sucks for the kids, let me tell you, but spending the day as a family (however smaller that family is) is the best medicine for them.

    Hugs going out to you now. They will understand someday. And they will forgive him. And you. And themselves. I promise.

  2. Not having been there I am probably not going to say something helpful but… Could you not tell them when they’ll see their Dad next? Then when he does follow-through it will be a great surprise when he shows up at the door?

    This relates to my general attitude- better to have low expectations and be pleasantly surprised than high expectations and be disappointed.

  3. Jen, that’s actually my new plan of attack. I’m just going to wait, and spring it on them when I’m sure it’s happening, that way there will be no tears of disappointment.

  4. T~that is exactly what we did. We asked her to stop telling M that she would be there and we stopped telling him too. We are still waiting for a “surprise” and that was nearly 12 years ago now, but he is no longer pacing and waiting for her to pick him up and that was more than my heart could stand! **hugs to you and the kids, Love**

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