Under a Winter Sun

I never have to make myself write. Writing is such an unabashed pleasure and joy- it gives me clarity and solace and peace and clears my head of all the cobwebs. But today, I am stuck. It’s nothing new in the examined life. There is nothing new under the sun; it’s all the same story- we all sing the same earthbound song.

Right now, I am in one particular place. It a place many have stood, and many still may someday stand. Someday I will hopefully get to stand somewhere else. The challenge is to hold onto faith. Faith that something can be made of this song. Faith that the beauty of the song may be its whole purpose. Faith that the wheel turns and the tune changes, because it does, even as bones grow; infinitesimally, yet over the long count, an infant metamorphoses into a woman.

I want things to hurry up. I want answers I cannot see. I want weeks like this one to not happen. And yet it’s all part of the process. Someday maybe I can write about it more than in vague references and sideways glances. For now though, I may not know much, but I know enough to realize I lack the hindsight to have sorted this mess out and gathered the pearls from the waste.

The bones will grow. The wheel will turn. In time. In time, the sap will run, the bulbs will pop, the sun will shine, and hearts do mend. In time, my child. Only in time.

5 thoughts on “Under a Winter Sun

  1. Time is such a tricky healer. But it’s the one that never fails. It just doesn’t hurry up either. Not much help when there are immediate gaping wounds to deal with. But I’m praying a lot (a lot!) for your faith to be strengthened. That is what will make all the difference in which way this song sways you.

  2. I write to unwind. To record the events of the day, to remember, but also to release decompress. I hope you have a place to write, besides your blog, that you can share the full extent of your thoughts and feelings, giving them a home of their own
    And though time cannot speed up, or slow down, I pray that you will be strengthened to endure, to learn, and to find peace.
    Merry Christmas!

  3. I say it often, Tracy, but it is the song that gets me through the bone-crushing times… Endure well enough for now.

    The light at the end of the tunnel is indeed brighter than the darkness under the mountain, but there is still climbing to do. However, I am beginning to see some of the growth and strength I have gained from our past 5 years of multiple challenges.

    Find at least one blessing in each day, no matter what type of day it is. Doing that one small thing helped me as I tried to find some semblance of reason amidst my insanity.

    Given time, you, too, will be able to look back and say, “Wow. Now I am beginning to understand what He has in store for me.”

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