Shifting Stable

Nothing is wrong, right? I can’t even tell anymore. My soul has been stirred up today, whipped around and disquiet. Ache and worry settle in and wrap around the crook of my neck, hugging the curve of my spine, and shoulders crawl towards my ears in their familiar upward journey of tension and tendons.

I think my neighbor smokes; all day the so-subtle-I can’t pinpoint-it aroma of smoke has bothered me on the edges of my awareness. It couples with nest of tension snuggled in at the back on my head and creates a blossom of uncertainty and unrest.

So many things that need me, so many little hands and hearts and eyes that need me- and I am so distracted by my own seeping worries I cannot even see what to focus on first. So many piles I can do nothing about, that I cannot really find the ones that I can do something about. Sorting. Sifting. Shifting. Culling. Swimming.

My heart wanders the house tonight, looking for a place to rest…

3 thoughts on “Shifting Stable

  1. Oooh, I DO understand the distracted-ness of dealing with the smell of smoke in your home. It can be remarkably violating when it’s unwelcome.

    I hope you can remember that you are doing remarkably well in the inevitable moments that you feel so overwhelmed.

  2. I am familiar with that distraction… that worry… that ache. Trust me, at some point in the future it starts to ease. I was completely taken by surprise the first time I realized that… I had stopped trusting that it would happen.

    I hope you find some small measure of peace and the ability to start culling through the myriad piles to find the one most important thing with which to start. Endure well enough for NOW, Tracy. One minute, one step, one breath at a time. That’s all we can do. <3

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