The boys started school today, but due to creative scheduling and all-day kindergarten at our charter school, Abby doesn’t start until Friday. At the same school as the boys attend. When you can figure that out, let me know. She jumped in the pictures this morning anyway.
As a treat to waylay her dismay over not starting school, I told her she could have whatever outing she liked with me. She opted for Sephora and escalator riding at JC Penny, her favorite stores. Not sure what to make of that, but I adore this picture I snapped on the escalator. Perfect.
She looks like my mom in this picture. Speaking of my mom, we got heated on the phone today- and if you know the dynamic, that’s not at all unusual- but this time it just left me wrung out and sad. I wish so much that things were different.
The boys seemed to like their first day of school; we had typical evening melt-down with Bean, which is expected when the routine shifts. It usually takes him a few days to find his new equilibrium. I just have to grit my teeth and remind myself that this is not forever. Jeff and Abby take the brunt of my dealing with him, which is both not fair, and making them compassionate and kind people. At least that’s the silver lining I find.
My butt and arms are so sore and achy from all the shots I got yesterday, and oh boy! I get to go back in on Friday for more! But hey, silver lining- beats the hell out of getting rabies, right?
Money is really really stressing me out right now- it’s not not having any- that’s normal. It’s student loans that (still!) haven’t funded, the dearth of child-support, and side jobs I’m waiting on payment from- it’s Bill Roulette around here- who’s going to get paid, and who’s going to get ignored this month!? Round and round she goes, where she’ll stop, nobody knows! I think people who are not desperate don’t understand how thin the line is between “okay” and “freefall”. I know it will all be okay. It always is. But damn I’m tired of closing my eyes and counting on that last frayed wing and a thin gasping prayer.
I’ve got friends and loved ones in crisis all around me- just this week, a surgery, a cancer relapse and a rape at knifepoint. I wish I was kidding. The surgery went well, the cancer is very bad news, and the rapist was arrested and is being prosecuted. Holy hell, it’s only Wednesday.