I’m writing my capstone right now, and can barely muster the strength to string together two extra coherent thoughts. I have three other classes besides that one, though, and a midterm today. One again, dig deep and just do it. Yep…

The following conversation took place tonight post-bath. I was handing Jeffrey a pair of clean boxer shorts and said “Here’re your clean drawers.” He look at me and said “Why do you call them ‘drawers’, Mom?”, I thought for  second and told him my grandma had always said that, but I didn’t know why. He was shrugging them on and said “Maybe it’s because that’s where we keep our junk.” Not even kidding.

Hey, it’s the middle of April and my garage is still flooded and it’s pouring. I’m not going to miss this about Washington state one single bit. 43 degrees. Yep.

I think there is a plan coming together for my move in June. I don’t want to temp the fates and say that too loud, but it’s looking like this may actually work. Why it takes every ounce of energy and stress hormone in my body, I still don’t know, but there it is.

Abby turns six on Wednesday. Can you believe it? Anyone remember when she was born besides me? She’s lost two teeth and has another one wiggly and loose. She starts first grade in the fall. Good heavens, how’d that happen?

You think maybe there’s something to the whole vitamin D and sunlight thing effecting brain chemistry? All of you all sitting in Texas or Florida or California reading this are probably wondering wtf is up with my sucky attitude. I’ll tell you! It’s been winter here since October! And it’s practically the end of April! I’m so sick of flannel and boots. Get me out of here!

I need a job! At least part time, I need to work to pay my rent in Virginia. Anyone with any brilliant ideas or friends looking for employees, give a holler. I’ll have a communications degree in a few weeks, and I can write my way out of a paper bag. I’m kind of creative too. Sometimes.

You would not believe the yard sale I’m going to have. Old typewriters, sewing machines, furniture, possibly the piano, ten years of fabric accumulation, kids clothes and shoes are going to massively purged, kitchen crap, toys… I think I’m even going to sell Fakey Fakerson. Turning over some new needles. Or something.

I was going to get rid of all our baby toys, but shhh…. I went to do it, and instead I ended up tenderly packing a box of my very favorite toys from my kids’ babyhood. I have no idea what I’m going to do with them, but what’s one small box? Don’t tell anyone.

The other day I sat down with my ex-husband and talked about the move, and the kids, and changes coming at me and the kids- most of them welcome and exciting. It was a hard talk- or at least I had been anticipating it being hard. Instead, I was reminded of the graceful human he can be, and the man he was before addiction destroyed our lives.  As hard as it is to remember sometimes, this hurt everyone, not just me and the kids. Stay away from teh drugs, kiddos.

Mo is coming over to see me (and steal some furniture) in a couple weeks. She wants my green desk chair. Should I give it to her? A great deal of this blog was written from that apple-green chair…

I’m already worrying about what the humidity in Virginia is going to do to my hair. Heather O. says to just give it up now. I’m so afraid.

Some happy things: Uniform-sized boxes. Highlights done at home. Draw Something. Bean eating Cheerios. Abby writing short stories. Jeffrey making himself a necklace. WD40. Clinique Happy. Melatonin. Clean laundry. Tape guns and Sharpies. Yard sales. Downsizing. Rosebud Mint lipbalm. L’Occitane hand cream. Wooden baby rattle. My iPod.  Cell phones. Believing in love.

Clearly I was wrong about not being able to write anything else… now if it’s coherent or not is another discussion entirely.

I can’t really remember what the sun looks like, but I know it’s out there somewhere, and I have faith that I’ll feel its warmth again.

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