Way back a million years ago there was an episode of Northern Exposure (Aidan was Chris in the Morning first) where the bush pilot Maggie had brought a beautiful chair to her remote Alaska cabin, at expense and hassle, but once she got it there, she discovered it was the Most Uncomfortable Chair in the World. No matter what she did to it, it was wretched- and everyone who sat in it would slowly start to fidget and shift, trying to make it comfortable, but no matter what anyone did, it sucked. She tried to give it away, she tried pillows and donating it- but the chair was so horrid, whoever initially took it soon returned it.

I have the couches that match that chair.

My lovely, awesome buy, thrift store couches I scored the first week I moved here have turned into a joke in our house. They look good! The fabric is a plush, soft chenille, the pale taupe color is lovely, and yet, I dare you to sit. Just like Maggie’s chair, you slowly start to shift and squirm. You’ll cross and uncross your legs. You’ll move the pillows around. You’ll move your butt. You’ll scoot forward, then back. You’ll lean your elbows on your knees, lean on the arm, a scowl will slowly creep across your face… and you’ll realize you’re on the Most Uncomfortable Couch in the World.

I’ve tried fluffing the cushions, propping the springs underneath, adding pillows, adding soft blankets, tipping them back and looking at the undersides…. to no avail. It’s become a running joke, how much the couches suck. Forget relaxing and watching a movie- everything is wrong about them. Your back will tense up, you’ll put your feet on the coffee table to try and keep from sliding down, you’ll try and rest your arm on the back or the armrest- all to no avail. Everything— EVERYTHING— is wrong with these couches.

I’m putting them on Craigslist.

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