Now vs. Then

Well, it seems I have stirred up a little bit of a firestorm with my letter. The original reply to my leter was an attempt at civility, but was somewhat strained. It seems that while Poco can understand why SAHM’s would be offended, she thinks what she describes as reality for us is not an illusion. Oh, the widsom of being 22 and knowing everything! When I was 22, I knew everything too! The funny thing is, I was A LOT like Poco when I was young. I read all the feminism and ‘progressive’ magazines and protested things I disagreed with. I was a coastal-Californian on-fire liberal, and if everyone could not see how right (sic) I was, then they were misinformed and needed to come around to my way of thinking; and I had the books, papers and academic studies to back me up.

Ah, how time mellows all things! No longer do I claim to be the moral-authority for anyone else’s life, nor do I routinely share my opinions on things, as I have found that my point-of-view fluxes and changes. Perhaps because of all the soap-boxing I did as a younger woman, I am now uncomfortable claiming direction for anything but my own life. I cannot make statements claiming I will always feel a certain way, because I did that, and I dont feel that way anymore; I undermined my own authority!

Lives change, circumstances change. The hill you are standing on won’t be the same hill you find yourself on as you walk furthur in life, and from a different hill, you see different things.

Several years back, I was living in Santa Cruz, protesting the war (first gulf-war) with homemade signs, driving a beat-up bug named Apple, and reading Noam Chomsky. At my moms house one day, I unloaded on my step-father. He works for Lockheed Martin, doing something with nuclear missiles; and I decided that he was a baby-killer. I accused him of all sorts of terrible things, and did so with the certainly that I knew what I was talking about. He took it, let me express myself ( he is a man of great patience) and then chuckled and shook his head. There are a million things he could have fired back at me, but, he just chuckled. I left their house, self-righteously angry at him for laughing at my knowledge and my point of view. And this is only one such incident that happened- there were many! Now, ten years hence, I find myself somewhat chagrined, and wanting to be sitting on the couch with him, chuckling at my old self. I love and admire my step-father; he is a marvelous grandpa to my kids, he loves them very much. I am also proud of the work he does- and my kids think it’s soooo cool that grandpa makes rockets!

There is propoganda on both the left and on the right, and people with good intensions are often manipulated into thinking and beleiving things that just aren’t true. So, from my vast age of 33, I am far more cautious about adopting inflamitory opinions as my own. I will stay in the middle of the moral road, thank you very much!

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