Is this what it feels like?

Depression is not something I have much experience with- other than the blues a few days after a baby is born, I can’t think of a time where I couldn’t just snap myself out of it. Don’t get me wrong, I know depression is real; I’m not one of those quacks who thinks you can take vitamins or yell at someone to pull-themselves-up-by-their-bootstraps-ya-wimp. That’s just wrong.

But I think I might actually be depressed. I say “think” because I am really not sure- it’s not like after a baby is born and you cry while you are doing the dishes or taking a shower… It’s more like a morose, lack of luster, why bother, just let me put the same tent-dress on again, feeling. Reasoning tells me that the icky January whether might be playing a part, the fact that I haven’t been to see my family since August, being stuck inside all day with a two and four year old, and the constant, unending barfing, indigestion, nausea and changing of clothes… Sheesh, that’s making me feel worse!

I can’t stand pants on my belly right now, so I have been wearing dresses lately- dresses I made. Oh, yeah. They are as pretty as you are thinking, too (They don’t leave the house). Today, I threw up three times while trying to do the dishes, and then gave up and covered the entire sink with a bath towel so I wouldn’t have to look at it or (worse) smell them. DFM came home, looked around and started laughing. He is doing the dishes as I type- what a good man. Irritable Mama is making irritable kids, too. My poor guys- I feel so bad for how much they see me sick, and wonder how this is all affecting them.

Because of my doctor’s orders, I can’t carry laundry baskets, I can’t take out the garbage, I can’t move boxes of stuff around to organize, I can’t paint the baby’s room, or set up the crib- all of these things I have to wait for the dear, tired, overworked husband to come home to. Somedays I just feel like Jabba the Hutt, unable to get up or move myself, on a platform that just slides to the bathroom and back to the couch again.

So, is this what it feels like? Because if it is, and they offered me a pill that would make me a happy, smiling, even-keeled rock, I might chew my arm off trying to get them.

6 thoughts on “Is this what it feels like?

  1. There are many times I feel emotionally lethargic. Depression has physical manifestations too. Lack of energy, nausea, headaches…And because you’re pregnant you have those anyways, so it could be easy to miss. When in doubt, check it out. Any time you feel this different from normal, talk to your doctor. Force yourself to get up and out. Excercise, even stretching or walking, helps a great deal.
    It might go away on it’s own, but do you really want to take that chance with everything that’s at stake? And really, how much longer do you really want to walk around feeling like this?!
    I truly hope you feel better soon..

  2. It sounds to me like you’re mildly depressed. And you have reason to be! Hang in there, at least you know it’ll eventually end. And talk to your doctor about it.

  3. Yes you sound depressed, and with good reason. It could also be Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have troubles with that too, and boy does it make life very frustrating.

  4. Poor thing! You paint a very dismal picture…How much longer until the baby is due?

    Is it even possible to ask over worked DFM to watch the kids some saturday afternoon while you go out for a cup of (whatever you can stomach) and a pedicure?

    Maybe some time spent alone focusing on your womanhood might help. Something that takes you away from mother, wife, housekeeper, baby grower etc.

    You should bring it up with your Dr. the next time you are in…Hang in there!

  5. I think it’s hard to gauge anything emotional when you are pregnant. The fact that you haven’t had depression before bodes well that this isn’t depression, just January and pregnancy blahs. I don’t want to give you any bad medical advice, especially when it comes to something as serious as depression, but just remember that things can go emotionally haywire when you’re pregnant, and lots can be chaulked up to just having another human being feasting on your internal organs, um, I mean, chaulked up to participating in the miracle of life. (Sadly, those two things don’t seem to be mutually exclusive!)

  6. Sounds like Seasonal Affective Disorder to me, too. Get as much light as you can. Outside, if possible.

    And for heavens sake, go into a little consumer debt (which I NEVER advocate) and buy some great maternity clothes that you feel (somewhat) nice in. You have a while yet, homemade dresses that won’t let you leave the house are not going to cut it.

    Maybe anti-depressants would help, it’s worth a conversation, anyway. But I think what would help most is if you could somehow find the right meds that would stop all the puking!!! Keep yelling about it! I know pregnant women who have gone on the same anti-nausea medicine they give chemo patients, it seems to be the only thing that helps. I don’t know if you’ve tried that one yet, though. I know you’ve tried a lot of them.

    Good luck, and we’ll be thinking about you.

  7. It does sound like you’re a bit depressed, but more than that, it sounds like you’re worn out, with good reason. I agree with what everyone else has said — give yourself as much a break as possible, get as much sunlight as possible, hire a teenager to babysit or clean for you so you can rest, go shopping or order some cute maternity clothes online (there’s a ton of stuff on clearance now, I’ve noticed).

    The hard part about feeling bad physically is that it can cause or at least worsen the blahs, which in turn can make it harder to do things that would otherwise make you feel better (like exercising, or even getting pampered — strong smells from salons or spas can be tough to take if you’re already nauseated. Heck, toothpaste and lipstick can be hard to take some days). Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon.

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