Rant: “Collecting”

Historically, in my family and with people I know, it is dangerous to admit you like something. You are sure to be bombarded at the next birthday or holiday with a plethora of items representing that something you casually mentioned you “liked”. Don’t ever do it. Just don’t.

It has been my goal, all of my adult life, to never collect anything. I hate “collections”. Things that serve no purpose and just sit around collecting dust, make me insane. There is an absolute, correlative reason for my animosity- if you know my mother, you know why I hate collections. If you don’t (almost everyone), lets just say, every room in her house, including my bedroom when I stay, is covered, floor to ceiling, in her collecting.

It just seems so dumb to go ape over some thing, and invest so much time and money and energy in it. There is nothing I like enough to “collect”. It seems, rather, to be the domain of adolescent girls and women who really like to shop and wear embellished sweatshirts- picking something and making part of your identity- tigers, penguins, pigs, angels, Mickey Mouse, spoons, wacky and ugly commemorative plates, whatever… is just a vacuous activity to suck time from your life. I, um, have strong feeling about this, could you tell?

And people always seem to want you to collect something. Does it just make gift buying easier? Or do you want me to join you in your lu-lu-bird cult? I have actually been told that I have to pick something to collect. Uh, yeah, nope.

There are things I like. There are things I like a lot. But there is nothing I like enough to cover my home, my environs, my car, my children or my clothing. I like antique dishes. I have a few. I do not want more. I like German toys, but my kids play with them, they do not, and will never, sit in a curio cabinet on a glass shelf “for looking only”. I love my fountain pen. Someday I may write about it, but I don’t want more of them. I have the best one in the world (Mont Blanc Meisterstueck 150- don’t even try and argue with me), and it superb, and I have no need of 17, 27, or 170 more of them. I have one, thank you very much.

And one, of almost anything, is more than enough!

5 thoughts on “Rant: “Collecting”

  1. I would like you to tell your family that you collect expensive shoes and purses….then you can sell them on EBAY and everyone wins!! Or you can tell them that you collect stocks and mutual funds.

    It is funny that you called it a “lulu bird” cult. that is the nickname we have for my daughter. Lulu Bird. Now we are going to call her Lulu Bird Cult.

  2. I ended up with a huge Dalmatian collection when I bought a couple things in high school because they were cute. I STILL have trouble getting away from it.
    I collect makeup. It’s not intentional, I walk into Sephora and it just sort of jumps in my basket.
    Books are good to collect, and never something to be ashamed of, unless they’re cheesy romances, it’s best to keep those hidden.

  3. I collect a few things, but I do believe it can go much too far! My parents started me on Pigs, when I was little, don’t ask please!!!
    I loved horses, and some small figurines, but I would hate to devote all my time, money and resources into a bunch of stuff!

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