BITE Your Tongue!

Are you having twins? (no I’m having a pachyderm)
Oh…. Just look at you! (why? is there a booger on my face?)
How do you feel? (do you want to know about the vomit, the snot, or the unmentionables?)
Just calling to say hi- have you had the baby yet? ( I’m never calling you again)
Wow, you’re really big! (And you are really fat too, when are you due?)
When was your due date again? (Yesterday, now get out of my way!)
Weren’t your other kids early? (Yes, I just really like being pregnant and have decided to keep this one forever!)
My, your belly is really hard! (That is called a contraction. Imagine a charley horse the size of a watermelon, and then imagine me rubbing it while you have it!)
You’ve got the waddle going! (Yes, that is what a cassaba melon between your thighs will do!)
Looks like the baby has dropped… (Crap! Where? Did I loose her again? Where?)
Wow, I can see it moving! (Actually, I’m having a pit of serpents…)
You could go anyday! (yes, much like a volcano, I may blow at any moment!) nod to The Wiz for that snappy comback…
Are you still pregnant? ($#!+ &@$$)

8 thoughts on “BITE Your Tongue!

  1. I have never have been pregnant, so I can only hope that I have never said anything like that before to a mom in waiting (Can’t remember but I’m sure I have asked the how are you, or when are you due questions). What can you say to someone in your situation, is there anything?

  2. OH my! People do say the most UN-thoughtful things. In the words of John Bytheway… “Oh. That’s a good one. NEver heard THAT before. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE COME UP WITH SUCH ORIGIONALITY!” (r heard of him?.)
    Anyway—I keep coming over to see if there is any sighting of the wee one.
    So, I tagged you while you’re waiting for “d-day”.

  3. Beanie- there is NOTHING you can say to a none-months preggo woman that is good! Just don’t make eye contact and back away quietly…

    Naw, I know all the things are well intentioned, Im just a big, grumpy mama and I can vent here- whereas in reality, I have to be nicer…

  4. That child!!

    Welcome to the world of girls. I hate to say something so trite, but it is true. This is just the first of many things that will make you scratch your head and wonder how a child with the same parents in the same house can be so different!! When she is wrapping up the trucks in blankets and breastfeeding them, you will remember this statement.

    (FYI, Jacob “drives” Barbies and blocks…have be bothered to buy one single boy toy? No we have not. Now that I know he can “drive” a baby doll as well as a real toy car, we will save our $$) 🙂

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