Speckles, Spots and Snakes On My Legs

What has happened to my body? When did I go from being a tanned and reasonably attractive woman to this creature I am now? I’ll tell you. It wasn’t marriage- I still looked pretty good even after a year or two of marriage. And it isn’t that I “let myself go” after I got married, either. It’s my children’s fault. That’s right- it’s all their fault- or, rather, what their pregnancies did.

Strange things happen when you have babies. Hormones that allow the little squatter to live and grow inside your body never quite return to normal. And the more babies, the weirder you get.

With my first baby, my once smooth and tan legs grew strange, snakey, undulating, crazy blue veins. The doctor said they might go away after he was born- and they kind of did. But when I got pregnant with #2, they came back, with friends. And, it appears my legs are their new permanent digs. With baby #3 they brought even more friends- friends that were long and undulating, and some new ones too, that looked like pretty little purple spider webs around my ankles. I don’t need any tattoos, I’ve got veins, man.

There are also spots. White spots, the size and shape of freckles, decorating my legs and arms. They don’t tan. At all. I suppose I could color them in with a marker or something, but that’s just too much work. The White Spots also brought friends, and they are the Tan Spots, but they only like my face. The doctor? He said it’s hormones from pregnancy, and no, they probably won’t go away. Lovely. So I have white freckles all over my body, and brown freckles on my face. If I keep getting cuter like this, it could lead to serious problems!

Here is the kicker, to add insult to injury: There are now, (I shudder) small, random hairs that occasionally I find on my… chin. Ughh. It wasn’t bad enough that I’m speckled and have roadmaps etched into my legs, but now I have whiskers, too?? The doctor? Hormones, nothing I can do about it… there is some cream or something, but you can’t use it when breastfeeding, lucky me. I feel like the Dr. Seuss dog-thing that wanted to be in the zoo- but was so freaky he ended up in the circus.

AND, I know, I am not alone! Every mom I have talked to has her own horror story of waking up in Frankenstein’s body after she has a baby. So, darn it, I want to talk about it. If we are all freaky, then none of us are. And that’s what I need today! So, dish, ladies. What alien thing has your body done to betray you since you became a mama?

21 thoughts on “Speckles, Spots and Snakes On My Legs

  1. Those snakes you talk about have located the mother ship on my well unmentionables, and up my backside down to my toes. It is harder to find places that are untouched by the monster in my legs. Fun stuff. Those purple pleasers on my ankles have actually been mistaken for tattoos. Nice example for all my primary children wouldn’t you say?

    I also love the fact that I too, feel like the little pig with hairs on his chinny-chin-chin. Maybe they ment a post-pregnant women?

    Since we are already into the borderline TMI I might as well finish spilling the side effects of being pregnant. Just so you don’t feel alone. 😉 I love how I have developed hairloss, in addition to sprouting the occasional gray hair in my late 20’s. Plus those baby weight pounds. Fortunately for some women they are not plagued with this. That statement does not apply to me. I am always very good during my pregnancies and gain less than the alloted 35 pounds, but times 3. Yeah, not a pretty picture. But I guess in the end this is the price for the beautiful babies we are blessed with!

  2. Those spider veins can be removed, surgically. It’s not a big deal – my friend did it – it was an outpatient thing, she was kind of tired that day, but that’s about it.

    Stretch marks! And little teeny boobs!

  3. I’m losing incredible amounts of hair, which is quite scary to me because my mom and all her sisters have developed noticeable bald spots on their heads in their older age and I’m really worried that that’s going to be me when I’m sixty-plus. Yikes!

  4. With my first baby, I started to develop food allergies – my teeth would “itch” when I ate raw celery. After my second child was born, they became worse. Twice I was rushed to the ER because my face started swelling and my throat started to shut off so I couldn’t breathe. This prompted some allergy testing, which showed that the big culprit was parsley. PARSLEY – with honey, celery, and bell peppers.

    So I stopped eating them. 🙂 With my third child, they went away. I don’t go nuts on them but I haven’t had another ER episode since. So… dang… weird.

    Oh – and stretch marks EVERYWHERE. Sometimes I feel like wearing a swimsuit from the 1920s with the sleeves and legs. So lovely!

  5. You only have whiskers on your chin? LUCKY! Mine are showing up ALL OVER MY FREAKING BODY. So not only could I probably grow more facial hair than my husband, but all the innocent peach fuzz that covers my body is turning dark and wiry and innocuous. I just can’t keep up.

    And the blood vessels on the bottom of my feet have become so prominent and puffy I’m sort of scared to stand up or walk around.

  6. Veins on the legs for me. Can’t stand them. I want them removed. I am sure more weird stuff would happen if I were to have a third but that won’t happen…two is plenty for me! Miss you guys.AEM

  7. Ah – that’s Gloria Swanson from the end of Sunset Boulevard (From whence comes the infamous Mr. Demille quote).

  8. Em- I totally should have known that!! I just watched Sunset Blvd this weekend on TCM- well, I watchend bits and peices of it between kid catastrophes!

  9. I have very pretty stretch marks not on my belly – yet – but all over my behind, upper thighs and even between my boobs. I don’t wear anything low cut, but I guess I will be wearing shorts with my swimsuit for the rest of my life.

  10. I have a small broken blood vessel on my face that showed up after my second pregnancy, which I am assuming came from barfing so much. I tried to get it zapped, but it didn’t work. I also developed a very large hemingioma (strawberry birthmark, if you will–yeah, a “birthmark” at 26!) on my pinky finger that nobody could identify. It actually went away once I stopped nursing J, but I discovered other small strawberries where there were none before, and those haven’t left. Totally weird. And I have the white spots, too, on both my arms and my face. I’m pretty fair, so I don’t tan well, but when I do, those spots stay white. My sister, who used to sell Mary Kay, was doing my face once and said, “It’s like you don’t have any skin pigment there! How weird!” Yep, that’s me. Fair skinned freak who is LOSING pigment. Not sure I could get any whiter, but, there you go.

    I’d like to complain about the shrunken boobs, but I didn’t have much to start out with….

  11. so funny you put this post up! I’ve been mulling a similar one over for a while. I thought it would be nice to write down all my physical imperfections and send them out into the bloggersphere, never to bother me again.
    Well, it works in theory anyhow…

  12. I swear since I’ve had the little on…I must pluck 30 hairs a day from my chin and neck! What the heck is up with that?! AND! Although they aren’t varicoses…veins! Huge squiggly ones right up on the insides on my knees and now they seem to be headed southward! EGAD!

  13. Try to take folic acid and vitamin B-12 for those white spots on your legs and arms.They should fade away after few weeks. Also, you should wash yourself with a medicated dandruff shampoo. You can also apply the shampoo all over your body and leave it over night. I guarantee it works!!!

  14. i too have suffered this baby thing taking over my body….the hair on my chin….my belly and my chest. MY CHEST!!! I pluck and pull but there they are again the next morning. White spots ugh and freckles on my legs. It looks like purple lightning down my legs. my belly that just wont suck in anymore the skin that lingers and the butt problem. I am aware of every part on my body and I swear my butt was falling out the last baby I had needless to say it never went back in. Hemoroids!!! I am losing my hair and it is turning grey. But you know what I would do it all again, I think everyone here would so all you new mommies its gonna be ok.

  15. well thank god im not the only one. i got strech marks on my arms thighs knees tummy…an i swear my boobs are one big stretch mark :o(. i got white spots on my back neck chest an upper tummy…and dis darn pooch. i look soooo blah an ugh! but yeah lookin like some “thing” from another planet is worth it for my baby boy! (y dont they ever let u know epadurals dont always work!)

  16. I don’t have children yet, but I also have strange white freckles on my arms and legs too. Not to mention more freckles on my face and strange hairs growing out of no where too.

    It could be all that I spent my early 20’s out in the sun so much. And all these changes starting happening when I turned 30. 🙂 Just my luck!

  17. i am 14 never had a baby or anything but i also get white freckley things all over my arms and legs when i tan and my mother is a nurse practitioner and she doesnt know what they are i also have a birthmark looking patch of skin that only appears when im tan and is lighter than the rest of my tan.

Comments are closed.