Panicking. Panicking… Internal panic for my sanity… My babysitter that I lined up for today is almost an hour late, and all my plans for the day are teetering on the edge of falling apart, and I am panicking.
I need to get away today. You know the feeling. The desperate desire to just be away– alone (well the baby would be with me, but, you know…) and to run some errands in solitude. I’ve tried to call her a dozen times, but he phone appears to be off the hook. On Saturday, I checked in with her, but I knew I should have reminded her last night with a phone call… Damn.
She is college student home for the summer, and a really nice girl- but I know she probably just forgot. How could she possibly know how much I need this and how I look forward to it, relish it, plan my week around my One Day…
And so my plans for the day cascade, as well as the potential mental health I was going to retrieve. My disappointment is palpable, tangible. I could almost touch it- maybe throw it through a window? The feeling inside is bad. Kind of panicky and desperate. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.