To the dumb-a$$ who somehow managed to steal our credit card number:
Dude! Aside from the totally karma-sucking nature of stealing someone’s credit, you were stupid enough to give Dell your address for shipping when you “bought” your new fancy laptop on our dime. Rest easy, Lame-Tard, when Dell let me know what you had done, I made sure to pass on your name and address to the fraud department of your town, my credit card company, and the federal government.
Oh, and all the crap you bought on e-bay? Yeah, they can trace you through that too. So be looking for a knock from the fine gentlemen in Blue any day.
P.S. You suck.