The Human Napkin

Unfulfilled? Frustrated with cleaning up the same mess 22 times in one hour? Sick and tired of cleaning up broken Christmas balls? Done with nagging to get homework done, flush the potty or to finish eating dinner? Had it up to here with kids begging for more toys, candy, presents, computer time, movies, video games or other outrageously expensive landfill toys.

Me too.

It must be in the air; Fed-Up-Ness seems to be a recurring theme on a whole lot of blogs right now. Count me among the masses. If I have to tell Bean to leave the presents alone one more time, I’m taking them all back. If Abby yanks another ornament off the tree, I might duct tape her little chubby hands to the floor. If Jeffrey calls grandma one more time to beg for more toys, I might roll up the catalogs he circles everything in and whomp him over the head.

I know my kids need me at home. I know no one can replace a parent in the home, and that being at the crossroads is muy importanto. So I’m here. But man, sometimes I have to agree, a trained monkey could do most of what being a SAHM entails. Seriously. OK, the monkey wouldn’t love my kids the way I do, and he might bite an owie rather than kiss it, but he seriously could do all the other mundane, repetitive, thankless tasks that take up most of my day, leaving me with little brainpower or energy to be an interesting, thoughtful, engaging woman.

I don’t have any idea how to balance this. If anyone knows, let me in on it, OK? For now, I will continue to be the trained monkey in my house, and will try really hard not to bite my kids when they knock over and break yet another widget.

Sometimes, I just want to scream: “I am more than a human NAPKIN!”

20 thoughts on “The Human Napkin

  1. I know there’s an intelligent response somewhere deep inside me, but today all I can say is I SO feel you. Go nuzzle your nose into the neck folds of your youngest for a moment.

  2. There are days when my husband comes home from work and I tell him that I want to trade!! He can stay home. I will be the bread winner. I can’t remember the last time I felt like I was part of an intelligent conversation… I probably could remember it if I didn’t have mommy rot of the brain 🙂

  3. I always say that I am happy to let a trained monkey do my job until my kids are officially SMARTER than a monkey (that is a huge milestone in our house….Norah just passed the test…she used a “tool” and her “talking” is showing inklings of English….).

    I know the feeling, but am strangely not feeling it as much this year. It might be because when we moved I got rid of almost anything pretty or breakable. Jacob sleeps in a room with a bed and a door–nothing to clean up there…the tree isn’t up yet, there aren’t that many toys to pick up…. so that has been the trick this year, but it won’t last long, I am sure…..

    hang in there. Take a rest and watch Project Runway tonight. That will make you feel much better….

  4. At least you are a napkin and not a piece of toliet paper, that would really suck. But yes at this moment I can relate.

  5. I vaguely remember those days. My advice: take the ornaments off the bottom of the tree. Put away all those things the kids might knock over and break. Simplify, simplify, simplify!

  6. I’m sorry, I wish I could send Grace over to watch the kids while we go out to lunch. Sandwiches sound good?

    It’s not comforting to say this but do you know how sometimes it’s hard to remember all the nasty parts of labor? It’s kind of like that with small children, it’s hard while you’re in the trenches doing the work but then when the time is past and the kids are a little older I feel nostalgic and a little sad to have that time past. Which is weird because I’m so NOT a kid-person. I’m not someone who gushes over babies and does daycare and all that.

    I don’t miss the hard parts but I miss the good parts.

  7. I keep tagging your posts, and telling myself I will leave you a perfect comment once I can think straight to type a coherent sentence.
    Not happening.
    But I guess you understand.

  8. SO FEEL YOU RIGHT NOW! (As you well know). I would like to say it gets easier as the kids get older, but it is just a whole new set of problems that can cause real life issues as they become adults. Bonus for you is that the chitlens will all be moving along together in age while I have a two year old pulling off ornaments and a fourteen year old pulling on fire alarms 🙂 Happy Holidays!

  9. Oh I just can relate too well Tracy! The human napkin, trained monkey, and Moddy, Glittersmama, and Mo’s comments just about killed me, lol!

    It has been a very long day, thanks for making me smile!

  10. I understand your feelings and I’m not even a SAHM. I have so much respect for you and any other mother who can stay at home and raise their children full time. It’s a job worthy of sainthood and I must say I failed that test.

    It’s a gifting and a loving that will last a lifetime although in the present can seem so vague and vacant, so enriching and heartrending, so challenging yet so blessed.

    You and so many of these are much more than human napkins. You are gifts to your families wrapped in layers of hugs, feelings, and much love.

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