Playroom Napalm II

They call me The Thrower Away-er. I can look upon the playroom, and not flinch. I can take on Tinker Toys and Lego in one fell swoop. Toys never know what hit them- instead, finding themselves sacked, bagged and tagged for the curb. Thwap! Zing! Zow! Take that, small sharp plastic man! I am Mama, hear me Roar!

It has to happen. It’s just necessary. In a mere four days, the Hoover Dam of toys is going to break and our innocent little home will be flooded with a tsunami of new, small, tiny, choke-able, plastic pieces. Tiny pieces I will step on in the middle of the night, and curse the name of Fisher Price. Minuscule pieces that will go missing, bringing on a torrent of tear and hair-wrenching agony.

Breaking out the evil that is Caillou, I put on the spawn’s Christmas special, and watched the Monkeys fall under the spell. Quietly, I tip-toed downstairs, three lawn and leaf bags in my clenched mama fists- ready to do the dirty work. I. Am. Merciless.

One hour later, nerves twitching from listening to Caillou’s whine, I climbed the stairs, triumphant.

“What’s that mama? What’s in the bags?” the boys curiously examine my stretched, knotted, black plastic sacks- “Nothing, just some trash that needed taking out- Hey, how was Caillou?” I brightly and deceptively divert their little 3 second attention spans back to the Caillou crack on the screen.

I am the Thrower-Awayer. Nothing is safe. I do not flinch in the face of chaos. I. Am. MAMA.

20 thoughts on “Playroom Napalm II

  1. I toss stuff regularly. No one needs as many toys as my kids have. Happy Meal toys get “misplaced” the same day, same as birthday party goodie bag toys. As soon as I notice that something hasn’t been touched in a while, it goes to the donation cupboard in the garage. Unless I love to play with it. Then it stays forever!

  2. Great post. But how do you deal with the “torrent of tear and hair-wrenching agony?” That’s my problem. My kids remember EVERY stinking detail of every set of toys. I can hear the outburst in my mind as I toss. It haunts me. Tell me, what do you say to yourself as you clean-sweep? I need some inspiration. I gather the kids together with big bags to “give to children who don’t have any toys,” but they want to hang onto all but about three. I guess I should do it without their “help.” But still, I want to know what goes through your mind as you purge.

  3. What goes through my mind? Evil maniacal laughter 🙂

    They’re not allowed to help- because the same thing you mentioned would happen. I just do it while they aren’t looking. I know when they get older, they will not be so easy pull this over on, but for now, I love it.

  4. Oh I remember those days so well – Now is is not so easy, my daughter will be 13 in January. We still have barbies(weeded down but still plentiful) and pollys, those small dolls with the rubber clothing that the cat just loves to chew on if given the chance. Oh and we have tons of bionicals – those take apart robots with tons of parts to get spread from one side of the house to the other. She doesn’t really play with this stuff anymore but if you ask her – yes I still play with them,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

  5. Ugh, Bionicles. Those are the Happy Meal toy right now. And they were the first thing to go in the garbage bag yesterday!!!
    Because I’m mean, I made my kids help!

  6. I actually like the bionicles from mcd’s they are no parts to lose. But almost all of the other toys we’ve gotten from there disappear with in a day or too. We have a ton of fisher price’s “little people” and I refuse to get rid of them, they weren’t super cheap and we have alot, so I used to cycle through them, keep some in a couple of totes in the garage and every so often I’d exchange them for the ones in the house. But now, I just have a room full of every toy we own, that’s one of the down sides to doing daycare, your house is over run with toys. Some day I’ll get to weed out and throw away/donate some of the toys.

  7. Thanks for your inspriration, Tracy. Napalm hit my whole house today. I feel so good. Who knows when the monkeys will notice and begin mourning, but I DON’T CARE!

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