Yup, that’s about it right now. Things are a bucket of rocks. Prepare yourselves- I’m going to do a lot of YELLING in this post. I’m so tired of keeping a good attitude, of trying to look on the bright side, of being patient and long suffering. I’ve had it up to HERE with being frugal and using WIC coupons and having my kids weighed and taking nutrition advice from people not their doctor, from eating food that I wouldn’t choose and from…from…from EVERYTHING.
Yes, I get it already! I have SO much to be grateful for- we have food, we have a home, we have family that loves us, we have a church that helps us and I AM GRATEFUL- so much so it hurts. I just want to lie down, kick and scream and whine and have a good, ol screamin’ fit. I don’t want to hurt any freaking more! I WANT LIFE TO BE NORMAL- and if that’s too much to ask, I would settle for some income and- NO, I want NORMAL! I don’t want to settle. I’ve been settling and piecing things together for this whole entire year, and I WANT NORMAL again. Since I am throwing a fit, I may as well be unreasonable.
I want a job for my husband. I WANT MEDICAL insurance again. I want to be able to pay our bills, and still be able to have a little extra. I want to be able to go to the market and not have to shop from an approved list, and be able to throw the fancy cheese in my cart, and the carton of ice cream and not feel GUILTY or judged. I want to not worry how much gas my car is using and if I can really afford to fill up again this month. I want to keep my house, and retire here. I want my husband to get back his SELF ESTEEM and feel good about providing for his FAMILY again.
I want to go in the store and buy the kids back to school stuff- and be able to actually DO IT. I don’t want to worry about calling my mom and asking for help with things like jeans and shoes. I DON”T WANT TO ASK FOR HELP. I want my kid to have nice packed lunches with juice bags and food I know he likes, instead of the free lunches (yes, I AM GRATEFUL) he qualifies for right now.
I want to be able to get Beanie to the doctor and NOT WORRY about the co-pays and the bills. I want to keep the house cool and NOT WORRY about the bill. I want to have a nice green yard, and NOT WORRY about the RASSIN’ FRASSIN” bill. I want a turn to help other people NOW. I’ve been taking for too long, by my book, and WANT TO GIVE BACK. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!
I want to to go on a date with my husband and eat at a nice restaurant. I want to go out with my husband and NOT WORRY about paying a babysitter or if it’s irresponsible to eat out. I want to see his eyes bright and happy again, and for the stressed pinched look of pain to be GONE FOREVER.
Cut us a break? Please? Please please please… I have no pride left.