Or, Two Great Things That Go Great Together, At Least In My Family
The flight home last night was easy and except for the last 25 minutes or so, Bean did fantastic. Play-Doh is a great therapy session on the airplane fold-down tray, and it even afforded me the luxury of a few minutes browsing in the Sky Mall Magazine. Does anyone buy anything from those? I mean really- just opening to a random page here- is the market that hot for: a talking Yankee stadium alarm clock? or a mascara warming oven guaranteed to heat your mascara better than a hairdryer? or how about a magnetic field generator for aging wine quickly? Someone must be buying this crap. But who?
What was I saying? Oh, yeah- the flight was good. Bean was good. The whole trip was good, actually. It was quick, and I didn’t have time to really connect with anyone but my immediate family, but it was a happy trip. We had a big surprise 30th birthday party for my brother Eric. (Remember dinner? Or the Poop Balls?) There was also much time spent noodling and nosing my darling new nephew, whom Bean loved. The weather was crummy, so we spent time inside, but grandma rigged a swing for Bean and all was happy and calm. Relatively.
My cousin Michael decided to introduce someone he is dating to the family- for the very first time. Ever. Like, as in, never introduced anyone, and thought, hey, a party with 45 family members is as good a time as any, right? To his credit, all went well, but I have never seen Michael more nervous in my life. And to Vince, his date’s credit, he rolled with the overwhelming family-deep-end with panache and grace. Even when my brother pulled out the laptop to show him what we found online the day before…
To fully understand, I have to go into the back story. No, even further… So Bean and CJ, my other darling nephew, were enjoying a fine Mickey Mouse cookie Grandma brought from Disneyland. Cookies, mind you, with lots and lots of black icing. Yummmm- especially for just-5 and almost 4 year-old boys.
The next day, brother Eric comes by Mom’s with CJ, and the subject, per normal, turns to poop. (What, that doesn’t happen at your house?) He tells me CJ had a really, really green poop. So green, he documents the green-ness with a photo on his iPhone- which he proceeds to pull out and pass around. Uh-huh, yeah, wow- that really is green. What would you call it? I dunno, looks like a shamrock green to me. Or maybe like a crayon. We speculated on why poop would be virtually glowing. And, like all seeking wisdom, I popped open the notebook and Googled “green poop causes”…
Turns out it can be caused by many things, but mostly by food color- ahhhhhhh, yes, the mountains of black food color metabolize as green, and suddenly the line between Disneyland cookies and nuclear poop becomes clear. The site was actually rather fascinating, but what caught my eye was a small ad for something called the Turd Twister. Hmmmm, what could that be?
(you know you woulda wanted to)
What followed was half an hour of red-faced, laughing so hard my stomach ached and my make-up all ran off from the shedding of mirthful tears. We were laying on the floor we were laughing so hard. We were taking turns reading aloud because the other couldn’t catch their breath. Yeah, it’s that good. Well, at least if you think poop is funny. We do.
So, anyway, back to the party. Michael is there with his date, and brother Eric gets out the laptop in my mom’s formal living room and proceeds to read the whole site to Vince. Welcome to the family, dude. Sink or swim.
You know you wanna… come on… (there are no pictures, and it’s not graphic, but it is a real product). We settled on “spaghetti” being the, um, funnest…. (and I’ll KNOW who clicks! Muah-Hahahahaha!)