Connerie Au Hasard

Because blogging in the middle of the night is always a great idea! What’s with the insomnia lately? It’s sttress, (see, I’m not going to fix that typo, because even my fingers are stuttering) I know, but seriously, 3:34 a.m. and I’m all hot and sweaty and bothered. No, not from that; from cleaning out my pantry. Oh yes, because one cannot sleep when the messy pantry is calling. Never-mind the dishes in the sink, or the laundry monster creeping and twisting down the hall like some possessed half-zombie. Nope. The pantry.

My pantry is really more of  New York apartment. I’d lay money, somewhere in Manhattan is a sap with his twin mattress crammed into a closet smaller than where we keep our food. Food is important. And since my children were apparently born in a barn, and like to hoof up to the trough and eat from the box, the floor, the shelves or anywhere there might be a morsel of twinkie, my pantry looks like a sty.

I clean, organize and label, then my children go in and do gleeful piggy rolls while they throw boxes of cereal in the air, dance on cheezy puffy nuclear niblets and smear chocolate syrup on their rosy complexions with wild abandon.

That really is the only explanation.

So, I figure, since it’s the middle of the night, I’ve got about four hours where it will actually stay clean. With the newly added doorknob prophylactic, I may get another five minutes of clean.

My RS president came over today (yesterday? yes? yesterday.) and we took apart my sewing machine. It was like watching two chimpanzees try and figure out a how to fix a submarine (or some equally absurd metaphor).  Let’s unscrew this, and take that off, and if we could juuuuuust pop this thingy off, oh crap! I dropped the screw… what’s this do? No! Let me unplug it first! You think this paperclip will stand in for a screwdriver? Now where ‘d that little black thing go? Maybe  if I could just… uh-oh…

After about an hour, we managed to get the Genie back in the bottle, and agreed repairing Berninas is better left to the professionals. If you’ve never seen the insides, trust me, there are lots and lots of circuit boards, wires and little tiny thingys. Makes me want to oil up my treadle machine and give it a whirl- that’s just feet-powered. If I gave Beanie a whole bag of M&M’s, you think maybe…? Nah….maybe

This afternoon, David comes in the bedroom while I am doing a breathing treatment (asthma’s been particularly bad lately) In his hand were two empty Kotex tampon plastic thingys. He holds them out, ” Guess where I got these?”

“Oh no.”

David, looking a little green around the gills, “The boys were using them as trombone whistles.”

“Oh no… Ewwwwwww.”

*snerkle* Can disgust and giggles inhabit the same space at the same time? Gross. Ah, bribery, such a sweet thing in a bout 10 years.

20 thoughts on “Connerie Au Hasard

  1. Hey! We have another thing in common- my Baby found the tampons for the first time yesturday! Thankfully she’s not skilled enough to open them though.

  2. Sorry to hear that your sewing machine is broken. Do you know anyone that could fix it for you? I know money is tight, but maybe you could work out some sort of barter/trade (as in ‘they repair the sewing machine and you will sew a dress for their little granddaughter’ for example)?

  3. My pantry is a disaster and far too tiny for my liking. Maybe you could put a padlock on the door somehow so that the kids can’t get in and mess your hard work up.

  4. Honestly, it’s not the worst tampon story I’ve ever heard.

    And this one isn’t, either, but it’s still funny, and I can share it without grossing out your entire blog audience:

    When I was 12, my parents took my entire family (yes, even my little brothers) to see, ready for this, New Kids on the Block. I liked the band, but I wasn’t really excited about going with the whole gang to see the concert.

    It was soooooo loud . . . I’ve been to concerts since and nothing (not even Chili Peppers) I’ve seen has ever been as loud as this concert was. So my dad starts complaining, and asks my mom if she has ear plugs. Of course, she doesn’t . . . but she does have tampons! Which my dad, to my mortification, promptly sticks into his ears. With the strings hanging down. Oh, the horror. I am scarred for life.

    Sorry to hi-jack, but I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to share a tampon story.

  5. Our apartment in NYC was pretty small, and our kitchen space was ridiculously small. I love that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer packs the Japanese tourists in ches of drawers and then they get stuck because of the humidity from the hot tub. I digress.

    Repairing a Bernina? Oh double crappity crap. I am so sorry for all your stress. I absolutely am the worst at organizing things in drawers, pantries or shelves. Thank goodness for doors to close and conceal them.

  6. Yup, Tracy, you got squashed by InkMom’s story. Point. Set. Match. I grew up with five sisters, so I have some interesting stories, but nothing like that one.

    Oh, and you can clean our pantries any time. You don’t even have to call first.

  7. Sorry… I can’t stop snickering. Your house is never dull. No doubt about that!

    You know why I love visiting your blog so much? Because I know I’m going to be humored and grossed out all in the same post. Because you share life at its best and worst, and help me believe it’s somehow worth it all.

  8. I have no tampon stories, but I shared both with my DH. He’s a super hubby, because I’m currently having the TOM from HELL. (Seriously, my doctor isn’t going to worry about it till day #15- long story.)

    We laughed- and I think it’s good to be disgusted & laughing. Even’s it all out, right?!

  9. When my brother was a senior in high school, we were all in my mom’s room helping her rummage through some old crap and clean it out. He came across some OB tampons- the ones without any plastic/cardboard wrapping- and said something along the lines of, ‘hey here’s some gauze from the dentist’s office!’ And being the funny kid he is, he unwrapped it and stuck it in his mouth between his teeth and gums on one side. My sisters and I were hootin and hollarin’ we couldn’t stop to tell him what it really was. My mom came in and set him straight. The look on his face was, of course, priceless. To this day, that was one of the funniest most embarressing moment stories in our family. 🙂

  10. I too, was up late last night and totally cleared through my pantry and cupboards.
    The rest of my house? Total crap. But I have some organized cupboards dang it!!

Comments are closed.