1:22 a.m. Sigh. It’s getting to be a familiar sight. How is it I can fall asleep if I so much as sit down, during the day, but at night? Forget it. I turn off the TV, I turn on the fan (oh, who am I kidding, there is a fan in our room 365 days a year- and it was already on) hoping the white noise will help. I get up and check the kids. Again. I listen to David’s rhythmic snoring, tapping along in time on the headboard. I listen to the wind whipping the trees around the yard, and then go look at the frozen world dimly glowing through the windows on the landing.
It’s so cold. We’re in a deep-freeze. Honestly, I don’t think it got above 11 degrees today. It’s dry, and what little snow we have is blowing around like confectioners sugar in the bitter gusts. The only good part is, I can leave the groceries in the garage and everything stays really cold. That is, if I could go buy groceries… sigh.
It is a nice time to have a fire. The other morning, since I couldn’t sleep, I got up before dawn to make breakfast pie, homemade biscuits and sawmill gravy. With the Chrismas tree lighting the room, we gathered the kids around the fire and ate our breakfast in cozy comfort. There was even hot chocolate with marshmallows. It was a good way to start the day. And yet somehow, Jeffrey still managed to be late for school. I don’t know how that happens.
Someone in our ward has been leaving treats and gifts on our porch every night. We’ve been given baking supplies, copper cookie cutters, Crate & Barrel measuring cups and cookware, craft kits and a small, beautiful nativity set for the kids, and tonight was an awesome art pop-up book by the incomparable Robert Sebuda. Someone is being very, very good to us.
The next few days are going to be hectic. I have so much to do, and well, here I sit, meandering my thoughts out my fingers and onto Teh Intertubes. That’s a productive woman. That’s woman who knows what’s important. That’s a woman at the end of her rope, who’s going to be really, really tired tomorrow…
Dandelion Mama 
Two words: Advil PM. I’m assuming all this brings a headache to go with with it, but even if not, a 1/2 dose can at least get ya snoozing. If Mom’s a zombie, ain’t nobody happy.
You should have called me — I was up too. Although I suspect, somehow, that we’re in different time zones . . . 1:30? Up. 3:30? Not up. Finally.
I have a REALLY hard time turning my brain speed down to low. Sometimes I pretend to paint black the canvas of my mind. It doesn’t usually work. But here’s what does: I make lists in my head. Not important lists, like things I have to do or bills I have to pay. That stuff just makes me worry more, which makes me stay awake more.
I make inane, useless lists. Alphabetically. Nothing shuts me down like, I don’t know, naming a world capital starting with each letter of the alphabet. Or flowers, or trees, or countries, animals, birds (that one’s really tough), biblical figures, world leaders, colors, movies, actors, shoe brands . . . you get the picture.
Good luck.
When this happens to me I write things down. Usually I’m so tired that what is going around in my head makes little sense in the light of day. But if I write it down I don’t have to stew about it. I can leave it there and take care of it in the morning hours.
The other thing is to share what you wrote down with someone. If DH can handle it then share, if not a good friend. Even if the worries seem senseless, there is something about sharing it with someone else that eases it.
Tracy, you are doing all you can. That is all God asks. Yes there are realities of how your family will eat and say warm but please let yourself find peace in some small way. Spend some time everyday NOT thinking about it. -from a cyber friend who really cares.
I agree with making a list to get it out of your head. Sometimes we watch an episode of Seinfeld before bed–nothing dumbs you down faster than Seinfeld. (I’m sure you really don’t need advice but I’m just saying.)
Yay for the person leaving delights on your doorstep. I’ve been working on a post about people who did something similar for us at the perfect moment. A few goodies sounds so simple, but at the time it was major.
Annette and I have a common bond with our insomnia solution!
That breakfast you made sounds incredibly yummy. Is a breakfast pie made with eggs and cheese or do tell.
Hope you get a chance to nap tomorrow! 😉
No nap yet. Breakfast pie is basically a quiche. Crust, blindbaked, filled with a layer of potatoes, cheese, crumbled sausage or bacon, then eggs and milk, and baked till set and bubbly. My kids loooooove it, and if I’m feeling very decadent, a side of biscuits and gravy are just perfect.
first, the weather men are going beyond and back to insure that you have a rainy and prhaps even snowy California to come to for Christmas.
second: how are your hormones? Sometimes if it get wonky it reveals itself as insomnia. Just a thought.
Yum-Yum! That sounds wonderful! I am going to have to try this.
Thanks Tracy and Happy Holidays!