If one had the skills, (and the insane desire or care?) one could lately follow a trail of my online meanderings by looking at the shopping carts I keep leaving full of stuff. Since real shopping is just out of the question, I keep finding myself online, loading this and that into my “cart” and then leaving the cart full and taking off. I don’t know why. I know I can’t actually buy those oh-so-cute shoes, or that new slipcover, or all the make-up at Sephora. And yet I keep looking, and popping things in my basket…

Old Navy, Overstock, Zappos, Sephora, Urban Decay, Anthropologie… and that’s just today, while David and Jeffrey are out on a father-son Man Date. Oooh oh oh.

1) First, you line up the Princesses and introduce them to your guest. Guest is obligated to greet each Princess by name, otherwise Tea Party Controller will continue to insist, in louder and lounder manner, at the name of each Princess.

2) Next, the Princesses all spin around the face The Controller. Guest must continue to pay rapt attention.

3) Once all Princesses are about-face, the party can begin.

4) By the end of the raucous festivities, “Sweeping Dooty” has gotten her jiggy on, and is swimming in the tea-cup and the other ladies cheer her on. The Controller shows her pride by putting on her Unfortunately Official Camera Smile.

This is Abby’s “Creeper”. Her Princess Creeper, to be accurate. Santa brought her this little gem, and it is far and above her favorite thing in the whole entire universe. As I type, she is parked right next to me, on my desk, and shouting “MY CREEPER! MY PINK PRINCESS CREEEEEEEEEEPER! as she looks the photo I’ve pulled up on my screen. Right now. I’ve tried to say “com. pew. ter” and the best she can manage is “com. creeper”. So now we all call it The Creeper.

She sleeps with it.

It talks like Cinderella, and the most annoying thing is Cinderella constantly saying things like “Lovely letters!” or “Use your magic wand!” or “OH it’s beautiful!”- all in the best Amy Adams voice, straight out of Enchanted.

What IS IT with the Princess thing?? I am powerless in the face of all that pink and sparkles. It’s creepy.

Our new ward is going to be wonderful. *sigh* Now I can stop worrying. Sister Rice-a-Roni was very nice, and it turns out I know two of her brothers from elsewhere. Mormon-World sure is small sometimes.

Two of my good friends got big callings- RS president and Primary president. Glad it’s not me, glad I’m in with the powers-that-be. In our old ward, the RS president was always an older, grandmotherly type woman- this time, the RS president is like a rock star. She’s younger, she’s hip, and she’s my friend! Coolness abounds.

All the teaching positions aren’t filled yet in primary (or RS or EQ or anywhere), so it was a nuthouse figuring out where to take kids, and who was watching them. Abby is the oldest in a nursery full of little boys- and she was a big bossy girl today! She never gets to be the big kid, and she was relishing it, from what I was told.

We got called into the Bishop’s office after church. No callings yet- he just wanted to meet us and get the scoop on the M’s. He seems like a decent, open guy, and we hear good things about him.

Beanie’s primary teacher from our old ward stopped by tonight. When I told him he was coming, he parked the piano bench in the front window and waited for her, then ran outside in his pink blanket sleeper and jumped into her arms on the front porch. I started crying. Stupid eyes. She brought him treats and a puzzle and lots of love. I adore this woman. Truly.

Drew Barrymore. I adore this woman. I love her look, her smile, her attitude, her happiness, her spunk, and the way she wears her heart on her sleeve. Who’s your secret girl crush?

Man. My new ward is going to hate me. Tonight, while cooking dinner, kissing an owie, refereeing a quibble and washing the chicken off my hands, the phone rings. It’s about 5:20- the Deadly Hour. I wipe my hands, pull Abby off the counter perch where her boo-boo was waiting to be kissed, and picked up the phone, which was hiding under a pile of play-doh tools on the table. Caller-ID is not a number or name I know- and when I answer, there is only static and dead air. Hello? HELLO? Hang up.

Set Abby down, stir the rice-a-roni, pull Bean off the desk, and nip at Jeffrey to finish up his homework. Again. The phone rings again. Same caller ID, same number- HELLO?

“Mrs. M-blah blah?” Damn telemarketer, I think- they always pronounce my name wrong- it’s English, but spelled with double consonants, like the French. I can always tell if someone doesn’t know us. “No thanks!” I snap… “And it’s M-blah blaH.”

“Oh. Dear. I’m so sorry. This is Sister so and so from the new ward, and I was hoping to talk to Mrs. M.”  *sigh* AWWWcrap. Fantastic. It’s the chorister from the new primary, and she wants to know if we’ll be at church Sunday, since Jeffrey is the person of interest, and there is no presidency yet, and she’s trying to run things….

Aw crap.

Profuse apologies, grabbing a pen and paper, I jot down the five questions for Jeffrey, apologise again, make nicey-nice small talk, peel Abby off my leg, and hang up. Just in time to notice billows of smoke from the kitchen…!

Aw CRAP!

Running for the stove, my rice-a-roni is charcoal. I throw the sizzling, blackened pot in the sink and steam hisses and spits all over me as the metal hits the water.

David hears all the commotion and comes to peel a few children away, while I put out the fire. He’s sitting on the couch with Beanie now, and Abby is playing quietly with Jeff. The fire is out, dinner made but cooling, and I’m calming down. Slooooowly.

Damn.

Now I have to ask- WHO CALLS during the Deadly Hour?? From Primary?  Who calls from CHURCH and asks for MRS Anyone?? WHO CALLS BACK AFTER THEY”VE BEEN HUNG UP ON???

*sigh*

I will always think of my burnt rice-a roni when I look at this woman. I hope I like her. I really, really do- but we got off on the wroooooooong foot. Me and Sister Rice-a-Roni.

How many days in January (any January) do you suppose you’d get a view like that in Seattle? Well, we lucked out. Jeffrey and I tossed our bags in the car on Saturday morning, and headed off to the Emerald City. Some friends had invited us for the weekend, and I wavered, up until I actually put the pedal to the metal. But, we went, we saw, we had a ball. And, miracle of miracles, it was sunny the entire weekend!

Jeffrey kept asking when we could go up the Eiffel Tower- Even after riding the glass elevator to the top of the Space Needle, he kept talking about how cool the Eiffel Tower was- how tall, how awesome, how fantastic. I mean, what’s better to a boy than a glass elevator and a free Swarovski telescope with a view of Mt.Rainier, Mt. St. Helens, Mt Hood, Lake Union, Puget Sound and the entire Olympic peninsula- it was THAT clear.

I can’t tell you about my Secret Mission. Sworn to secrecy. Sorry.

I did meet with a web-designer that may be helping me with some tricks up my sleeve. We’ll see. Mwa-hahahaha….

Wow- I go away for the weekend, and I come home to crickets chirping and 150+ emails. I know, I know, I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving… Well, David knew- and Mo, but that’s about it. Details to follow. For now, we are lining up on the couch, a la Simpsons, with our flags and banners to watch the peaceful transfer of power of one of the most successful Republics on earth. Woo hoo! Go, us!

Set personal politics aside, and just marvel at what actually happens on January 20th. Really. It’s an amazing thing.

I’ll update Tuesday when I get all the chickens off to school and fill you in on my Secret Mission.