The Edge

There is a scene in one of the Indiana Jones movies where the scary native guy reaches out and plunges his hand into the chest of the human sacrifice, and then pulls his clenched fist out holding the still-beating heart. Left behind is a gasping, vacant, chasm where his heart had been.

How can something hurt so much? How can you remember to breathe when pain obliterates even your vision and you find yourself a shadow- a yawning chasm of aching sorrow and grief?

How do you love someone so much, so entirely, and yet find yourself standing at the rocky, sharp edge of having to let them go?

I don’t know.

But here I am.

17 thoughts on “The Edge

  1. Oh how I wish I were there! (Physically)
    You need a real-life hug.
    One that lasts about 3 months solid.
    I hope you are praying and listening like mad.
    I hope you feel loved!

  2. I thought of you during conference, Tracy, when they talked about the struggles of life. I hope you were able to hear some of it and find some peace in those messages. Praying for you and hoping things get better.

  3. Interesting you should choose that particular movie since it’s main focus was bringing the children peace and love and back to their village. When it comes down to it in the end, the pain may be excrutiating, but the children are happy and safe. Maybe that’s why we go through it.

    Thinking of you so much right now!

  4. From your favorite author:

    There is a basin in the mind
    where words float around on thought
    and thought on sound and sight.

    Then there is a depth of
    thought untouched by words,
    and deeper still a gulf of
    formless feelings untouched by thought.

    Nanny entered this
    infinity of conscious pain
    on her old knees.

    Towards morning she muttered,
    “Lawd, you know mah heart.
    Ah done de best Ah could.
    De rest is left to you.”

  5. I cannot imagine your pain and grief through all of this and this additional pain is almost too much for me to imagine one person bearing. I am sorry for you and praying for your comfort and guidance

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