The hard truth is, we are alone in life. We come into the world alone, and we leave it alone. We have to stand before the Lord someday, and we have to do that alone. It’s easy to forget in the hustle of life.

My friend who was going to help me in Houston is very ill and most likely cannot help. I’m scrambling like mad to find a solution- but with less than 24 hours, I’m hitting a lot of walls. Trying to stay positive and believe in myself and my ability to do this, but it’s hard.

My house is empty.

A friend gave me a big gift-certificate to Nordstrom to treat myself to a new outfit and some make-up for Houston. My plan was to get down there this morning. I cannot find it ANYWHERE. And my house is spotless right now- it’s empty, remember, so when I put in my purse, it really should still be there. Its’ not. It’s not anywhere. It’s utterly vanished. I can only suppose I’m just not supposed to have it.

I’m trying hard not to feel sorry for myself. I’m trying hard not to cry. I’m trying so damn hard to keep it together.

Some friends have called and offered help with Houston- but it’s so last minute, everyone is having logistical/financial trouble working it out. All totally understandable. It just hurts so damn bad.

I’m trying so hard. Can I run a show booth by myself for three consecutive days? Alone?

The platitude is that it’s always darkest before the dawn. My eyes are stinging with hot unshed tears and I am so afraid and feel so alone. I’m ready for that light… please…

8 thoughts on “Alone

  1. Okay, well I tried ordering you an online/instant giftcard and Nordstrom isn’t doing them right now. It looks like the Nordstrom there isn’t in a mall, so I can’t order a mall gift card either. If I (and/or anyone else so inclined) called in and had a gift card held for you at the service desk in Nordstrom would you still have time to make a trip there and use it?

    Oh, and I’m drilling all my facebook peeps to see if I can find anyone’s cousin’s neighbor’s dentist’s daughter in Houston who is bored with nothing to do. I’m sure everyone else is doing the same.


  2. Maybe your friend has a receipt that would show the giftcard number. And they could track it that way for you?

  3. Wish I could help. Wish I could magically make everything better. Alas, all I can do is pray for you and send lots of ‘hope’ vibes your way.

    Some days the only thing that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other is my mantra: Endure well enough for now.

    Sometimes ‘now’ simply means one second at a time…

    For this one second, take a deep breath and know that you are loved.

  4. I’m praying for you Tracy. There are so many of us praying for you even though so few of us can physically be there for you. So many of us admire and love you. I hope you can feel our love and God’s love in the midst of all your struggles.

  5. Good luck in Houston! You are one of the most capable people I have ever met online; I am sure you will handle it all beautifully, even if it is scary and hectic and stressful and lonely. I hope you find the help you need.

  6. are you already in houston? i have asked my sister-in-law who used to live there for a contact and have sent an email. waiting to hear from her former relief society president. will let you know soonest. is there a better way to contact you? you are welcome to email me.

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