On my left hand there is a pale band of tender skin where once a promise wound. My thumb keeps wandering over to twirl the band that is not there anymore. Each time I find it missing, my heart lurches a little and then I remember…

I took my wedding ring off today. It’s in my grandmother’s jewelry box, in the little white leather box it came in, so full of hopes and promises. Something about the act itself, of putting it away, when I imagined wearing it forever, has cleaved my heart anew. Today was a hard day.

14 thoughts on “Ring

  1. I wandered over here from MMW. I’m so sorry life is so hard for you right now. We are total strangers, and yet I want to reach out and hug you. I’m a wife and a mommy and a mormon, and I imagine we have a lot in common. And my heart breaks for you and I wish I could make it better for you. Truly.
    Be kind to yourself. The going through really sucks sometimes, but it will be okay in time.

  2. There is nothing to say. Saying you will make it through, though true, doesn’t change the present, the moment.
    Grieve as you need to, learn your new reality, and know that there are many people out in the world that love you and are praying for you.

  3. Sounds like you are entering the stage of “acceptance” to me. Now instead of seeing a tunnel, maybe it will be more like riding the countryside on a Harley 🙂 Let your hair down and enjoy the beautiful world that God has given you!

    (Wait, on second thought, don’t let your hair down on the back of a Harley…that would suck!)

  4. I’m trying to imagine how naked that would feel. I’m sorry, that must be an awful physical manifestation of the whole thing.

    Love you!

  5. I can only imagine how that would be like a fresh wound, a new cut in an already slashed heart. My heart aches for you and I know I can do nothing but offer my prayers and sympathy. Even though we are strangers, I feel your pain as keenly as I would a close friend and I would love to give you a hug …….

  6. I ache for you and your pain.

    I hope that knowing you have friends who love you will help you continue to put one foot in front of the other. Endure well enough for now, even when “now” is minuscule moments of time. Remember to breathe. Just one breath at a time.

    The only other thing I can say is that even in your extreme sorrow, you still know how to write a masterpiece.

    (( Hugs, Tracy ))

  7. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. I know the feeling of pausing when you reach for your ring and it is not there because you forgot to put it on that day. But I can’t quite imagine what it must be like reaching for the ring you are so used to having and remembering that you took it off for a reason. You are an amazingly stong person and I know it will get better as time passes, though that doesn’t help you much now. Maybe you could start wearing another ring as a promise ring to yourself and your children so that you have something good to think about when you automatically reach for your ring. Hugs

  8. I’m so sorry. There will be many, many adjustments like that and I know how painful it can be. My ring, however, was a different experience than yours. I couldn’t toss it in the trash fast enough! Let freedom reign!

  9. One thing I love about blogging is that even though I’ve never met you before, I have read a lot of what you’ve written and as a result, I feel like I have a small sense of who you are. Even though it has been a couple of days since you posted this, I guess I wanted to leave you with an encouraging thought which is this: one thing that has impressed me about you is that even though you don’t portray yourself as a “perfect” parent, I can tell how incredibly in tune you are with each of your children. I have been in awe of how well you know them, and how hard you work to sculpt their lives into a happy, stable, and beautiful place that is based upon (and I think this is the best part) their individuality. You’re a good mom, and despite the complicated change that is currently going on, you will simply continue to do what you have always done. I have no doubt about the fact that you will do it well, because you already have. Keep up the good work Tracy. There are angels round about you to bear you up.

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