Today marks the 1000 Post mark for this little joke of a project I started more than four years ago. Never intending to start a blog, actually unsure of what a blog even was, I wanted to reply to something someone said somewhere on the internet (imagine disagreeing with someone, somewhere, on the internet! My naivety was so cute!). Anyway, I didn’t like what she said. So I wrote her a letter. And then I couldn’t post it on her website, because she wouldn’t allow me to. So I had to start my own.
Even the name was picked spur-of-the-moment. I clicked on Blogger, and you had to put in a name, so since my hair was wild and curly that day and I felt like a weed, I picked a dandelion. That’s it. That’s all there was to it. And I posted my letter. It’s still there, and the woman it was meant for eventually did read it and comment. A very satisfying experience. But the Genie was out of the bottle.
Once I had an outlet to write, I found immense satisfaction putting my thoughts into cogent form. For most of my life, I had felt bombarded by ideas and images and words, and they whirled around in my disquieted mind like a maelstrom- I couldn’t talk about my point-of-view to someone, because my windy mind was so influenced by others that I couldn’t sort out me from them. But when I wrote… Oh, when I wrote… the storm quieted. The waters stilled. The skies cleared, and I could figure out who I was again. It was 10,000 years of solitude. It was peace in my soul. It was a room of my own. It was a clean well-lighted place. It was an unforeseen gift- one I had no idea I was missing.
And now because of this gift, I have a chronicle of my children’s lives that I hope someday they will cherish. This blog pre-dates even finding out I was pregnant with Abby, and it chronicles much of my sons’ lives as well. I would treasure a diary of my mother or grandmother when they had young children. Maybe my kids will too. Probably not, because I get the feeling that’s just not how it works. But still, a mama can hope.
Along the way I have celebrated great happiness, and shared personal sorrows, too. I try always to be honest and candid, while still walking the line balancing the private lives of my family and loved ones with what I chose to publicly share. It’s a line I’ve messed with a few times, but I think I finally have a good sense of where it is and how to toe-up.
The last couple years, the sorrows have tipped the scales too much, at least if anyone is asking me. It’s not done yet- but I know the wheel never stops spinning, and that the depth of my sorrow is also the wellspring of my understanding and happiness. I borrowed that from Kahlil Gibran. I’m nowhere near as cool as he is.
Now I find myself on a new path- one I was never anticipating walking. And yet, here I am. People keep telling me they think I am so strong. It makes me laugh. Well, what else am I going to do? I briefly considered hiding in the closet with a year’s supply of chocolate chips and a jug of egg-nog, but that wouldn’t solve anything, and would cause some bloating problems I’m better off without.
So instead, I get up. And I get up again. And again if I have to. And then I write about it.
I don’t know what the future holds- and isn’t that marvelous? What a great adventure. I do know writing is now woven into the tapestry that is me. It’s in the fold of my arm, the set of my hip, the curve of my neck, the glint in my eye- and with apologies to Maya Angelou, the joy in my feet and the palm of my hand.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
(If I were cool enough, and my computer wasn’t utterly trashed and gimpy, I totally would have this song playing for this post.)
Dandelion Mama 
And without your spur of the moment decision to pound away on that keyboard I wouldn’t have you as my friend and life would be a much darker place.
Funny, I just typed and then deleted a post about how the pressure eased today once I finally sat down and spewed forth the contents of my muddled mind to the computer screen. Nice to know that concept makes sense to someone else as well.
Happy 1000 and I sure love you to bits!!
Who knew what great blessing would come from that first meeting at the taco stand, eh? Love you to bits too, Mo. My life would be less rich and colorful without you.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been reading you, probably from close to the beginning. And I must tell you there have been to many times to count that as I read your words I think “that’s what I’m thinking, feeling, etc”. Though you say it so much better that I could ever hope too. Thank you for not really quitting and coming back to teach us some more. You have touched so many lives with your words, thank you for those 1000 posts!
Thank you Moddy. I love seeing familiar names for so long. I learned from my one attempt at quitting that I was trying to satisfy something outside myself, and I learned what a bomb that idea was… Thanks for your kindness and comments.
I think I’ve read every one of those posts.
That makes me smile.
Hope there are little joys to go with the massive sorrows. Maybe someday we’ll learn that what was little was massive and vice-versa.
And unfortunately we’re all stronger than we have any desire to be.
Em, I think you may have been my first non-family commenter. You were my second blog friend. I love you and have loved watching your family blossom as you journey into motherhood. Thank you for all you do, and for becoming a Real Life Friend to me too.
Tracy, I have enjoyed reading your joys and hoping your sorrows pass quickly. I have enjoyed your postings. Life leads us on roads untraveled and that truly is the adventure of life. I hope that your road gets easier to travel and the joys and sorrows balance out…even having more joys than sorrows.
Thank you for sharing your talents with the rest of the world.
Thank you Kellie. It sure would be nice for things to balance out, wouldn’t it. Thanks for your comments.
Tracy, I’m so glad to have found both you and your writing, wherever it may be. You are a gifted soul.
Aileen, I’m so glad to have become friends with you! Speaking of a gifted soul… right back at ya, sister!
Congratulations on 1000 posts.
, the sorrows have tipped the scales too much, at least if anyone is asking me. It’s not done yet- but I know the wheel never stops spinning
I know the feeling, bless your heart, and I’m glad you’ve been able to just keep moving.
Stephen M, I think you’ve been around longer than I have! Thanks for being so generous with your sharing, even answering emails from me. Keep on keeping on.
My blog is intended for a very specific audience…me. And my son, when he’s old and I’m dead. I only started last year and since I don’t believe in the permanence of anything on the internet, I am going to make my blog into a book for Christmas, with annual installments to follow. I agree with you…I would have found such a journal from my mom, grandmother, great-grandmother, etc. an absolute treasure. Maybe my kid will too. Or his kids. Or their kids. Or no one, maybe it is just for me after all.
Tam, when I started, it was just for me too. I’ve had the first year printed and bound, and I love it. I need to have the rest done, but each time I try, it’s too large and I haven’t figured out how to break it down. Good luck!
I found your blog when you were waiting (and waiting and waiting) for Abby and I had just started my first 9-5 office job and had just discovered blogs. I checked every morning when I got to work and then just stayed to enjoy the gloriousness that is Dandelion Mama. Even though we’ve never met, I feel like you’re a friend. I’m glad you’re here.
Melissa, I feel the same way… I’ve rejoiced at your welcoming Finn to the world and your adventures in Egypt. And anticipating the new baby as well. I’m so glad you’re here too!
Wow! 1,000 posts! Amazing. It’s been fun to read about you for the last few years ~ it can only go up from here. Thanks for sharing all of you with us. 🙂
Thanks Amanda. I HOPE it can only go up from here!
Tracy, congrats on reaching this milestone!
I first started reading your posts at MMW and elsewhere, and then became a consistent reader here. On a daily basis, DM is the third blog I check, after mine and DH’s. I am a huge fan of you and your writing!
Today I wrote post #400 on my blog that I started 26 months ago. I aspire to reach post 1000 as you did. I write as a form of journaling – for me, for my kids, for my family, for my friends. I appreciate the support of my own small blogging community.
Thank you for sharing your insights, your joys, your sorrows, and your thoughts. I continue to learn from you, Tracy. Here’s to another 1000 posts!
Thank you Michelle! I’ve come to love you and Ray, and am always happy when I see your names in my queue. I’m glad you guys are settling in to your new home and finding some peace. And that your furnace is finally fixed!
I am glad you have allowed people the chance to see a glimpse (a tiny one, I suppose) into your life. The struggles you have gone through and will go through have happened to many others and I am sure they appreciate your insight. I know that I am very happy to have found your blog (through MMW) because your writing is superb and encourages me in my writing.
Thank you!
Ambrosia, thank you for your kind words. I don’t know if my insight is good for anyone but me, but writing sure gives me clarity- most of the time. Thanks for chiming in.
I have nothing to say, but I am feeling very neglected on the personal response thing. 🙂
Everyone on this thread gets a personal response. It’s the least I can do! You know I love you. Do I have to remind you publicly? Hey everyone, my friend Brooke here, with the blue monster, is one of my BFF, and I do mean Forever. This girl is part of my bedrock, my foundation! 😉
Muuaaahhhh… Right back at ya friend! (And thanks for filling my personal need 🙂 )
My turn….I have been very thankful to have been able to read what the goings on in your life have been since you moved away. I hope that I have been some help with Bean and a support for you. Happy 1,000 posts and here’s to 1,000 + more!
Naun, you have been a tremendous blessing with Bean- and wellspring of information. I’m so grateful for all the help you’ve given me. Thanks for the well-wishes!
Tracy, you know I’ve said this elsewhere, but I want to say here that I admire and respect you and your writing probably more than anyone else in the entire Bloggernacle – except for Margaret Young’s writing. That is equal to yours.
Ray! Thank you- that is some high praise. I adore Margaret- and if I’m close to the woman she is someday, I will consider this life a success.
Dear Tracy–I first found you through the name “Dandelion Mama”. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for dandelions. They are heads up, cheerful, never quit (you can’t get rid of them) nutritious if you have to eat them(?!?) and a bit audacious. That’s me. As I have read your posts over the years I think that is you too. By next Spring you will again be bright and resplendent–just like any dandelion. For right now, may I suggest that you just let your roots go deep and gather all the nourishment you can from all about you.
I have laughed with you, cried with you, prayed for you and even put your name on various temple prayer rolls (as best I knew your name–I figured God knew who I meant.) Someday I hope to meet you in “living color”. With love in Christ. M.
Thank you Marjorie. What a lovely way to describe a dandelion. I hope I am as resilient, and I look forward to that spring you see. Thank you for your support and prayers.