Random Crap: Christmas Edition

It’s been a while, hasn’t it my friends? It was brought to my attention today that some folks think ‘crap’ is a naughty word. Hmmm. Maybe, and while I don’t really want my kids tossing it around with ease, I gotta have something. We don’t even say ‘fart’ in our house- that’s a holdover from my dad, who thought nothing of saying s#*t, but preferred ‘frog’ from his children when passing gas. Which all just goes to my point. People are weird. We all have idiosyncrasies. I say crap, you say… whatever it is you say.

I caved. Our house was looking dismal on our street without any lights. But seriously? Digging out the ladder in 15 degrees and climbing on the roof? Not gonna happen. I cheated. I hung the light around the upstairs windows, on the INSIDE! Aren’t I bright! We look festive, and no one had to hit the ER.

Beanie and Abby were arguing today over whether I was 12 or 100. Abby had 12, Bean insisted I was 100, and that Abby was stupid. He got a time out. What? It was for calling his sister a name. It was. I swear. (as has been established)

The best thing about the light inside? I can lay in bed and look a them.

Shhhh… don’t tell anyone, but Abby made it all day today without an accident! I may be able to soon divert the Pull-Ups budget back into our food budget!

The other day the kids wouldn’t let me come downstairs because they were making me presents. Now, there are three (very large) very creatively wrapped boxes under the tree with my name on them. Based on their collective weights, I think each box contains one piece of drawn artwork on a piece of paper. I think they just wanted the cardboard tubes and had to justify the use of massive amounts of wrapping paper. I’m very excited.

A friend showed up tonight with a hot pizza for the kids, and the makings for homemade play-doh as a project, and told me to get lost while she fed my kids dinner, did baths and got them to bed. I got to have my very own popcorn and smoothie at Target, and finished up my shopping for my kids. I have good friends.

In order to save myself the agony of wrangling an angry octopus, I now wait until Beanie is asleep and go in Ninja style to slather him in his skin cream. (Cutivate, for anyone who’s got a kid with eczema) The cold dry air is most unkind to his skin. We are all happier with the double-secret method, even if he doesn’t know he’s happier.

My stupid toothache is back. I’m hoping ignoring it will be a successful strategy.

Hot buy of the week: ELF shiny lipgloss in pink lemonade. It looks great on everyone, and at $1 at Target, you cannot go wrong. Mo gave me my first tube, and I had to pick up another tonight. You could totally find a $1 under your floor mats and get a new lipstick. It’s pretty!

The divorce diet is en force. Some days I forget to eat, and have to make myself when the grumpies get to me, and other days I want to eat Cheetos and Mexican food all day. Think I could use a little balance, eh?

The pre-Christmas purge began today. I opened up a can of Napalm on the boy’s room, even moving their beds and flipping their mattresses. Two garbage bags gone, under the beds cleaned out. Lego all sorted and binned. They didn’t even notice when they got home from school. Abby’s up tomorrow.

Tonight when Beanie got in bed, Abby had left him a little hamburger treat near his pillow. He looked at it, grossed out, and said, “Abby is such a hog.” What does one say to that? I guess he didn’t appreciate the offering.

I am done with my Christmas shopping. Thanks to the kindness of some very kind folks, my kids are going to have a nice Christmas. Because of generous, good people who wanted to love my kids, they will not have a clue how little we actually have this Christmas. I’m all for honestly with my children, but Christmas morning is not the time to explain lack of child-support or why avoiding consumer debt is so important to us keeping our home. Thank you. You know who you are, and I love you.

12 thoughts on “Random Crap: Christmas Edition

  1. People are weird which is why they are people and not cats 😉

    Do wish you well in the season. It sounds very hard, though stringing the lights inside is something I’ve done in years past, that gave me some happiness. I’m glad you discovered it.

  2. I like the cardboard tube theory. (Hm, we love mom. We need some lightsabres. Wait! I’ve got it…)

    I have a hard time with swearwords. I have to work very hard to keep it clean, but it’s hard for me to get worked up over crap and sucks. Both seem so benign to me. I think it’s my pagan background. Or perhaps just coarseness of spirit.

    I’m so glad that you have friends who are making Christmas brighter for you and your little ones.

  3. So, yeah, the “crap” thing. I have a really funny story for you. I’ll email you.

    I’m so, so happy you have great friends close by who are more than willing to help you out. I wish I could be one of them but unfortunately 1000 miles is just a little too far to just swing by. 😦 It sounds like you have some loving, helpful friends, though. Target by yourself? How often does that ever happen? So nice. I can’t wait to hear what the big gifts from your kids are.

    • What?! Lame! Post your story here for all to see!

      I too say crap, and sucks. Never fart though. And I say the real D word far too much. I just know one of these days my little 2 year old is going to yell “D*** cat!” in sacrament or something. Yikes.

      And frea….uh… heck. Lucky you that your kid apparently sleeps like the dead. I even THINK about Toby and he’s awake. Daaah.

  4. My current burden is so much lighter than yours, and yet I too, find myself ever grateful for the people that surround me. The smallest gestures make the hugest impact. And, as has been said, I wish I was closer and could be one of those people for you — but I’m not. So I’ll simply keep you in my prayers, and come back every day to read more of what you write.

  5. i think you and i are sisters separated at birth. i too hate putting christmas lights
    on the outside and opted for inside the window instead! i think nothing of the word
    crap, but stupid, fart and shut-up are not allowed. target is the best store ever.
    friends are awesome (even internet ones you’ve never met!)
    merry christmas my friend!
    you are loved!

  6. My visiting teacher was over, and was talking about some health issues. So I said “that sucks.” Then her 3-year-old pipes up “that sucks”. So she says “We don’t say sucks.” I then said “oh crap.” True story.

    And my daughter, nieces and nephews all learned the proper use of freaking over the summer courtesy of aunt Lindsay. I’m a champion at fake swearing.

  7. Hooray for wonderful friends!! These little miracles make the tough times more bearable. I am another online friend who wishes she lived close enough to offer in-person help.

    Of course, if I were that close to you, I would also be close to my missionary son and probably would not be able to resist the urge to go to his area… I guess that makes me a friend who wishes she lived close enough to offer support in person, but is grateful for her family’s sake that she doesn’t. 😉

  8. “Crap” is my go-to all-purpose word. The “F” word is forbidden.

    Cutivate worked wonders for my children’s eczema. I hope you have similar success with Beanie.

  9. Not that you need a new word, but my family always called it “booming,” given my little brother’s astonishment the first time he realized he was responsible for the noise. “Mama, I boomed!”

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