So I’m sitting here, wavering between honest optimism for the coming year, and trepidation that if I say that too loud, a Thor-like wrecking ball is going to swing in to flatten me. I don’t want to be superstitious, and yet, when one has a year like I’ve had, it would be foolhardy not to look around like a hunted gopher before I pop back up.
A tiny flame flickers in the stillness deep inside me. There it is. It feels like hope. I think I have hope. I am fighting with wanting to claim it with all my might from the rooftops. But I’m kind of scared to. I’m still dusty from all the knocking-down and ass-whooping last year dealt me. But there is this tiny bravado inside me- it’s not big enough to make me thumb my nose, but it’s big enough that I have a glint in my eye.
Today, I’m standing. Tomorrow, I may get knocked down again. But I know one thing: I’ll get back up. Every time. I may not want to, it may hurt, and I may cry. But mixed in with the tears and dirt will be that glint in my eye, and the getting back up.
Happy New Year.
5 thoughts on “Glint in my Eye”
And the getting back up is the difference between such drastically different ends. While the year ahead will undoubtedly be difficult, it would be hard for it NOT to be better than the year behind. I think it’s a safe thing to hope for, bravado or no.
Happy HAPPY New Year!
The fact that you get back up each and every time, dusting yourself off, speaks volumes of your desire to survive and even conquer. And you will survive and it can only look up.
Reminds me of a lyric from Miss Saigon that I run through my head and vocal chords when times are grim:
Somewhere deep in my soul
Shines the smallest of lights
And no wind blows it out
It burns steady and strong
Through the darkest of nights
Personally, I think it is a lovely description of hope, and that I am not alone in hoping and believing 2010 will be a year filled with love and light for our friend Tracy.
I love those lyrics, Kermit. Yes, it’s scary to hope sometimes, but even if you aren’t ready to fully let yourself hope I’m hoping and believing for you.
you go girl!
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