Wonder by Natalie Merchant is blaring on my speakers while I unpack and sort yet another box. Slowly, order is emerging from the wreckage and chaos. The kids are laughing and playing with a jump-rope, as Bean attempts to teach Jeffrey to skip rope, which he just learned today. Abby is giggling. A friend dropped off a pizza on his way home from work- just because- and my Home Teacher came by to measure a closet which he is turning into a pantry for me. I stop, a bolt of fabric in my arms- perplexed for a moment as I listen to my children and feel the warmth as the furnace clicks on in Little House. A stray lock of hair tickles my neck, blown on the warm air from the vent, and I realize I am holding my breath. What is that feeling? What is it? What’s wrong?
I stand still for a second, like a doe in a glen. Alert, wary- and then realization rolls over me in shivering, hot waves. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong; we are not living in fear anymore. Tears flood my eyes and I want to fall to my knees; I realize I am exhaling for the first time in three years. I am relaxed, and my children are laughing and playing. That feeling, that tiny thing I could not even recognize? It is the tiny, hopeful, deep stirrings of… happiness.
19 thoughts on “Springs Eternal”
Yeah! I loved this post! (i love all of your posts) I’m so happy that you’re happy. you deserve it so so much.
Tracy, I have been reading your blog for a long time. I am so glad that you are finding happiness again. You are such an inspiration to me. Thank you.
I am once again left in awe by your writing. So beautiful!
So glad you are catching hold of those tiny moments of happiness, peace, and calm. I pray you will get an abundance of them. Peace! Happiness! Calm.
All is well.
Good things are going to happen for you. Good things!
Much love and prayers!
Yay for happiness! Here’s to a lot more of it, for you and your kiddos.
We’re all exhaling with you, dear friend. Glad to hear that stability mightn’t be so far away after all.
I love tender moments like this! Thank you for sharing! Love it!
Tracy- I am a long time reader… I don’t blog anymore myself and spend very little time reading blogs anymore but yours I never miss. Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope in ways you can’t imagine…. Love that you are happy today.
Tracy, I cannot express how happy I am to read this. I’m so happy you feel you can breathe again. I’m happy you are hopeful and happy. You are blessed.
Love it!!!! Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
I hope it finds it’s way into many more of your moments to come.
How I loved to read this post 🙂
Happy Happy Joy Joy
I have read your blog through it all… and I am incredibly happy for you.
Hooray hooray hooray! Happiness…so lovely and so elusive.
This brought tears to my eyes. Happy, happy tears.
LOVE this! (sorry about your bird)
Another one here with watery eyes. I can’t express how happy I am for you right now.
God continue to bless you – and to help you continue to realize the blessings that appeared previously to be curses.
Tracy, your post brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad you experienced this joy. May you all be blessed with many more similar pleasures.
SO SO SO happy that you are happy! LOVE this post! This is only the beginning!
Tracy, I was hoping “Final” would lead to this. Congratulations. I’m sure there are many more bumps on the road coming up, but you’re on the right road.
(BTW, I saw Natalie Merchant give a little concert in the park in NYC a few months ago and she is crazy! At one point she stopped mid-song to wave at cruiseliner passing through the waters behind us. “Aren’t you scared?” she yelled at them. Eventually she continued the song 🙂 )
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