The kids were up early, and I lay in bed longer than normal listening to them chatter, peppered by bits of bickering. The season’s are changing, and it’s probably time to slide my windows shut, I thought as the almost-chilly air slid over the sill and down onto my head. I love when the seasons change; the air turns before the leaves even begin. I’ve been watching my big maple in the front yard, waiting for the first edgy haze of orange and yellow- but not yet.

Once upon a time, September 18th was the happiest day of my life. Today would have been my eleventh wedding anniversary, if I were still married. It’s just an ordinary day now, maybe special for someone else, but not for me. Can I still claim the happiness that once was, despite the flaming catastrophe that immolated that happiness and the family it created? Do I want to?

9 thoughts on “September

  1. I don’t pretend to know what an anniversary feels like after a divorce, so I hope it’s not too hard of a day. But I think you can rejoice in the family that you have, your three awesome kiddos, that wouldn’t have happened without Sept 18th. So give those kids a big fat hug, and claim whatever you want :)!

  2. I think it should change it to Family Celebration Day. Go do something silly fun with the kids. Eat lots of chocolate. Make it your own tradition. Your kids won’t remember the origin of the day so you can make it what you want. {{{hugs}}}

  3. Wishing you well to get through this day as best as possible. I don’t know what your experience has been like and I do not understand either what it feels like to face the anniversary of a marriage that no longer is.

    We’ve never met, but I am sending you some strength through cyberspace and hope you can find some joy in today, no matter what.

  4. We’re here to learn to be happy and have joy. Unconditionally. But we’re also here to learn about grief.
    I don’t think many of us manage to learn it all before we die though.
    I guarantee that a full measure of joy is in your future. Hope you have faith in that too. Just don’t know how long it will take. But it’s coming.

  5. I do not have any experience in anniversaries post-divorce but I agree that it can still be a happy day. One to celebrate the life that you have with those three glorious products of what once was. You can celebrate whatever you want, however you want – it is one of the benefits of where you are now 🙂 Much love and hugs and hoping that you feel more joy than grief today!

  6. My sister just hit her first anniversary as a single mom. It pretty much sucks.. But she declared it Kids day and did fun kids stuff. She decided to celebrate the product of the union. They got to choose the menu, do no work, etc like birthday with no presents.

    Thinking of you.

  7. If this year has taught me anything it’s that when life is completely out of control (even more so when it’s for reasons that you didn’t create or deserve!) the only thing you can control is your own happiness. Reclaim the day and celebrate with joy the family you have, your love for them and their love for you.

  8. I know a little of how you feel. I was engaged to get married august 20th a year ago. When he randomly left me in tears the day after conference in April of 09, I thought I would never be ok again, reading your blog has, in many ways helped me remember when I was in comparison to where I am now. I know the Lord has great things in store for me, but I also know that there are days that are going to still be hard. Anniversaries are especially hard because they are days that should have been full of promise but instead they are just full of heartache. I find that doing things that I love for no reason on those days are the best because it makes me forget what could have been and remember what blessings I have. I hope your day was great 🙂 best wishes to you!

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