There is something to be said for pulling oneself up and trying to have a good attitude. Yeah, things have been hard lately- and I’m not one to bury my feelings under a bushel- not by a longshot. But I also realized this afternoon, as I got ready for class and my friends marshaled around me to help take care of my children so I could actually go to school, that I’m really blessed.
But here’s the thing- for as hard as it’s seemed lately, I am not without resources. Actually, I am seriously blessed in resources, all I have to do is look up and actually pay attention. I have a faith and a church that carries me over the really hard stuff, even when I forget that’s what it’s there for- which, in my pride, is more than I like to admit. When it comes to friends, I’ve been gifted with more people who care for me and my children that I can probably even count- that’s a priceless abundance. I have a family that loves us.
I’m doing well in school, despite this quarter being much harder than the last few- and while that threw me for a loop at first, it was bound to happen. It couldn’t stay easy. That also just required me to shift my perspective. There are ways for me to make this work- again, I just have to look up, take in what’s around me, and make a move in any direction. Lately I’ve been paralyzed with fears- like a deer in headlights- but that’s not how or where I have to remain.
I’m going to try and start painting again, and I have a book coming out in March. I have a friend helping me retool Dandelion, and we should have a fancy new dress here sometime in the next few weeks. It’s time- mama needs something pretty. This year has been good- I had a lovely trip to California in January, February is a mercifully short month, and March brings spring. Those are all checks in the Good Stuff column.
It’s amazing what you see when you simply look up. I was starting to confuse the hard stuff for who I was. That was a mistake. The hard stuff is just happening around me. Yes, I have to deal with it, and yes, I’m more than capable of doing so- but I am not crippled by it. I am made of fine stuff, and underneath the patina wrought by the dust of the rocky path I am walking, I am remembering that I shine. We all do… We just have to remember.