I am utterly overwhelmed. In trying to get my kids ready to go back to school next week, the supply lists for three kids are absurd. I have bills due, and no idea when the fraction of my child support will arrive, and the bills my RS president said would be paid last month never were, and now I have late fees and turn-off notices on top of them not being paid. I just got my textbook list for this fall and all four of the books are over $100 each, and I’m still fighting with Financial Aid to get my loans funded. I’m carrying 19 units this fall and its already starting to cause me to lose sleep, and two of the classes I have to take are at the farthest campus and I’m stressing over gas prices. Two of the classes I need are only offered M-F during the day with no night option, and I have a kindergartner on top of 2nd and 5th graders. I’m going to have to figure out what to do with her while I run back and forth from the far school, at least 2-3 of the five days. This is feeling more and more like a disaster waiting to happen, but no matter how I look at it, I can’t see a way around it. If I want to graduate, I have to take these two classes. I have to take the GRE this fall, when I thought I had until spring. I have to get my apps in for grad school before Christmas, when I thought I had until spring. I have more on my plate than I imagined possible. There is back-to-school night, and all the domestic chores, laundry and housekeeping stuff on top of all that other stuff. I have several free-lance jobs in the queue, and I need to get to them asap. But when? If my loans would fund it would solve a lot, and I could at least pay my bills. Scouts starts next week, Bean is turning eight and you know what that means, and I can’t even begin to think about it. All I want to do is crawl in bed and hide. And I can’t.
I know this will all shake out. It always does. I just can’t help feeling like I’m drowning this exact moment. And I don’t see any life-preservers bobbing on the water….