I am utterly overwhelmed. In trying to get my kids ready to go back to school next week, the supply lists for three kids are absurd. I have bills due, and no idea when the fraction of my child support will arrive, and the bills my RS president said would be paid last month never were, and now I have late fees and turn-off notices on top of them not being paid. I just got my textbook list for this fall and all four of the books are over $100 each, and I’m still fighting with Financial Aid to get my loans funded. I’m carrying 19 units this fall and its already starting to cause me to lose sleep, and two of the classes I have to take are at the farthest campus and I’m stressing over gas prices. Two of the classes I need are only offered M-F during the day with no night option, and I have a kindergartner on top of 2nd and 5th graders. I’m going to have to figure out what to do with her while I run back and forth from the far school, at least 2-3 of the five days. This is feeling more and more like a disaster waiting to happen, but no matter how I look at it, I can’t see a way around it. If I want to graduate, I have to take these two classes. I have to take the GRE this fall, when I thought I had until spring. I have to get my apps in for grad school before Christmas, when I thought I had until spring. I have more on my plate than I imagined possible. There is back-to-school night, and all the domestic chores, laundry and housekeeping stuff on top of all that other stuff. I have several free-lance jobs in the queue, and I need to get to them asap. But when? If my loans would fund it would solve a lot, and I could at least pay my bills. Scouts starts next week, Bean is turning eight and you know what that means, and I can’t even begin to think about it. All I want to do is crawl in bed and hide. And I can’t.
I know this will all shake out. It always does. I just can’t help feeling like I’m drowning this exact moment. And I don’t see any life-preservers bobbing on the water….
17 thoughts on “Spilling my Guts”
I know how you feel. I just had a similarly stressful month, but things worked out. Paycheck to paycheck is not fun, and neither is handout to handout, but things work out. 19 credits is a huge load. Hang in there.
Is there an after-school program Abbey can go to?
I hope today brings peace for you. At least a couple minutes of it.
Now I’m feeling pretty useless…. BUT if you make it back to UT I’m pretty sure that HSF and I can work some childcare miracles for you……
In the meantime I will pray… harder.
I just learned about this site today (seconds before reading your post, actually). I don’t know if you’ve already known about it, or if it’ll have your books, but, here you go: http://www.campusbookrentals.com/
Wish I could do more…but for now prayers!
Praying for you. Thinking of you. Wishing I were more than an internet acquaintance and could DO something.
Oh-my-I-hate-weeks-like-this. I can’t catch my breath. It’s overwhelming, to be sure! There are only four things to do:
1. Just for a minute, sit down, put your feet up, and indulge in something to make you feel instantly better. For me, that would be chocolate. For you, that would be cheese. 🙂
2. Take a deep breath. Then take another one. And then figure out which things in this mess you can control. You can call the RS pres and find out what happened about the unpaid bills. Does she know they didn’t end up getting paid? Because it was not your fault, will she be able to help with the late fees?
3. Move forward, one itty bitty step at a time. Take another breath; take another step. When the hard things in life pile up on top of each other, it’s really easy to falter under the burden of *everything.* So, shift the load by taking things one at a time. Focus on one problem at a time. Just one.
4. Remember that you have an army of people who have your back and who are praying for you and wanting to do whatever they can to help. For some of us, that is no more than prayers and wishes and words of support. But allow others to help in whatever way they can.
How do I know this? Well, I’ve had my own weeks-like-this-that-overwhelm … last month, and most of the past 7 years have been regurgitated cycles of our own version of life’s overwhelming issues. It’s hard, oh so hard! But this is the only way I know how to get through it.
Refuse to give up. Refuse to let go of hope. Refuse to lose faith.
Endure well enough for now. One step, one breath, one second at a time, Tracy. That’s the best we can do. ((Hugs))
PS: I know you know this, Tracy. I know you aren’t giving up, that you’re just spilling your guts. But sometimes we need to be reminded, especially when the heat of the refiner’s fire is forging hottest. At least, I do.
Know that you are loved and prayers are continually offered in your behalf. Thanks for sharing your journey, the joys and sorrows, with us. You help me continue to take my own “one more breath, one more step” that keeps me going when life is tough.
I, too, feel my hands are tied because I am far away and just an Internet acquaintance. Sending you peace and prayers from afar.
I had an awful week until today, and in the end I had to take it one minute at a time, like an addict in recovery.
You have done hard things..and conquered…You can do hard things and will conquer. Michelle gave good advice..just breathe deep and move one step forward. Your kids are great and you have love…one day at a time. Prayers for you.
Thank you everyone. I’m feeling better- nothing whatsoever is solved, but I’m not feeling like an utter failure like I was this morning. It gets overwhelming when I look at the big picture- but Michelle is right- I have to parce it out and take small bites. If I don’t, I will go insane and feel like I cannot accomplish anything.
So for today, I looked up my textbooks. Thank you for that site, Erin. I’m going to see about renting them- it appears I might be able to for half of them- at about 50% the cost. I made my kids’ annual doctor appointments, and ordered their birth certificates from the county for school, and Abby’s immunization record as well. I’m working on a side-job for Jami, and hope to be done by the end of the weekend, and I even got in a shower and put some make-up on. X is due for visitation, and I’m going to try and pickup back to school supplies with his mother while he’s here.
That’s about all I can do for today. I tried to schedule dentist appointments, but apparently no dentists work on Fridays. I will try again Monday. My bishop is out of town, and the 1C is at work. Will tackle that mess later. Trying to remember to breathe. It will all work out. It always does….
So thank you all. I love you too.
Skip Back to School night. I always do and I have 5 kids in school. Not one of them has flunked yet because of it!
I totally agree with this. Skip back to school. Most teachers say the same thing. If there is something you want to tell the teacher about your kids, back to school isn’t the time to do it anyway. send her a note. Something I did in college when I didn’t want to buy the book is to see if I could check it out of the library.
Keeping you in my prayers, wishing I could do more.
As a teacher, I am fairly certain that you DO NOT have to provide all the school supplies they ask for. In Utah, there is a law against asking parents to provde them (but a gentle, if you would like to contribute… Buy the crayons etc. but don’t be guilted into the supply thing. My lower income kids bring nothing and it is okey.
Provide enough that your kids don’t feel guilty etc. Crayon, 3 new sharpened pencils, 1 notebook and you are done.
Jane is right. My kids’ school asked the bigs to each to bring a Kindle with them on the first day. The little’s teacher just asked for a $100 donation. Not a condition of attendance, but still REALLY stressful.
A Kindle ? For reals? Wow. I thought our list was bad- they want printer cartridges, and I can’t even manage those for my home printer, let alone the school.
Thanks Jane and Jami for the chin-up. I’ll try not to worry about not being able to supply everything. My x-mil got the kids school shoes yesterday, so that’s a big help. New shoes should mitigate not having everything else, right? 😉
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