Hey there! Remember me? My name is Tracy M, and despite appearances, I have not, in fact, fallen off the face of the earth. It turns out Life swallowed me whole, and like Pinocchio, I had to kick my way out of the whale and find a way to breathe again. It’s not as easy as it sounds.
So things have calmed down a little bit {she says, flinching, ducking and covering her vitals}. I’ve got a routine now for having three kids plus mama in school, and my kindergartner, thus far, has not been forgotten at school. I’ve got back-up plans for my back-up plans, and hopefully now we will settle into a new grove. Every time I start to panic, I tell myself I’m doing all I can do and I cannot do more. We all have full plates, right?
A tender mercy this week? A dear friend brought me some Trader Joe’s English Toffee. It’s heaven in a bite, and with no TJ’s where I live, I sat down and ate toffee until my stomach hurt and thought hurling might be a viable option. But I wouldn’t dream of wasting such a precious commodity.
I find myself missing California terribly lately- going so far as to wonder about applying for some grad programs there- then I remember the traffic, congestion, air problems, water rationing… and I sigh. Then I remember the smell of eucalyptus, good Mexican food, kelp on the beach, the sound of the ocean, marine layers rolling in over the setting sun, redwood trees, and night-blooming jasmine, and I sigh again. Paradox, my fair friend. I think there’s a bit of escapism going on- since Life ate me, and I want wholeness again.
I love October. Nevermind its my birthday month- I just love the change in the air and the full onset of autumn. I love golden undulating fields and crimson leaves and the smell in the air when the first frost ices the pumpkins and the pungent cedar smoke of the season’s first fires drift on thin trails over the cool night air. Yes. I do.
Thinking of cutting my hair. Not too short, but its a wee bit fried from summer and flatirons and a haircut where thinning shears were used. It looked cute at the time, but it did a number on my ends. We’ll see.
Tonight, Bean is wearing pink and lavender satin Hello Kitty pajama pants with a Buzz Lightyear top. No one can say we are not an equal opportunity house. Jeffrey looked at him, rolled his eyes, and went back to his Legos. Jeffrey is currently asleep, head at the foot of his bed, giant man-child who looks me in the eyes, curled up with his stuffed cow he’s had since he was a baby.
How are things in your neck of the woods?
Dandelion Mama 
Good grief, I haven’t blogged since grad school started. My best friend in the program quit after the first month. One professor, brilliant and quirky, told us all the first day of class that he almost quit his masters program, too. That bit of knowledge has saved me the past 1 1/2 months. In clinic, they gave my two patients, threw me in the deep end, and told me to swim. Therapy, I can do that and it is going well. Writing SOAPs and treatment plans, explaining to third-party payers why my job is important and deserves reimbursement………that is my struggle. Well, that and trying to fit in all of the papers, reading (5 textbooks for neurology alone!) and still be a mom and wife.
To add to the guilt, my son’s teacher asks all the students for their likes and dislikes for the past week. My son’s dislike: “That mom is in grad school and she won’t be done for two whole years.”
I can do hard for two years. This education has taught me more about my son’s learning disabilities and my daughter’s Ds than anything else. The end result will be a very good thing for my family. I just hope that hard doesn’t feel like drowning for the next two years.
My neck of the woods? Well, our version of the juggling act doesn’t currently include adult schooling but it does include Ray’s fall travel (7 out of 8 weeks, 4 days each) which means single parenting (not my strong suite). And this past month included 3 antibiotic prescriptions (1 for daughter’s strep; 2 for my insane toothache). I continue to be amazed that a woman who has experienced 6 natural childbirths and other various pain can be brought to her knees in tears with such oral pain! I am still reveling in the miraculous reduction in oral pain, though it has been replaced by other pain including dizziness that made work an interesting ordeal yesterday. We’ve recently had over $2,000 in vehicle repairs. When we can afford the deductible amount (ha, when?) I need to have some lab work done to try to pinpoint why I am constantly lacking energy.
Other than that, life is great!
My kids are usually awesome. I love the end of the week and spending time with DH after he’s home from traveling. We were able to see our oldest son perform in his college musical and laugh hysterically. (I highly recommend The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee when you’re in need of humor.) And I get to read DM to catch my breath.
I just keep taking one day, one hour, one step at a time. I don’t know how else to make it through the ups and downs of life.
My calendar tells me that a celebration is in order today? Hope you had a happy day. If your crazy schedule required postponing such celebration, hope you at least had a few happy, peaceful moments.
Indeed, you are correct Erin. I am impressed. It was… a day. 😉