Every once in a while, you get a privileged, pull-back, crane-view of your life. It’s brief, but if you’re lucky, it allows you to see the grace of things you cannot from the trenches of your daily battles.
As part of the incredible blessings I’m being graced with, a dear friend is going over the entire seven years of Dandelion and doing some culling and editing with the intention of creating something new and possibly paper-y. While the archives are of course open to anyone who wants to read- knowing someone is lovingly cataloging the life I’ve lived is a surprisingly vulnerable feeling. She’s doing so in chronological order, and has sent me some touching observations as she moves forward through my life with the surreal advantage of knowing the future.
I felt a little geeky, as though someone was reading my embarrassing junior high diaries— and yes I know anyone can read it— but knowing someone is doing so meticulously is crazy-making stuff. Her observations have all been kind and tender. Along with noting the general improvement in my writing (huzzah!) she asked me to go back and read my very first post ever. I just did, and I think I want to share it with you.
The whole reason Dandelion exists, from a practical point, is that I needed to respond to a young woman who was critical of being a SAHM, and I couldn’t post without my own URL. Thats it. I even picked the name in two seconds, on a whim, as I looked out the window. That first letter though, my friend observed, contains the seeds of my future—
It’s a beautiful letter, and again, especially heart wrenching given what you’ve been through lately…that first post is a powerful picture of the woman you are going to be forced to become, or, rather, the woman inside that you will be forced to find. That first post shows that she has been there, all along.
Indeed. I even write what I will do in the unlikely even of my marriage dissolving. I had no idea what was coming, and yet the seeds are all there. Stepping back and looking at the 7 year arch of my life is humbling and makes me realize how prepared and fertile the ground always is- even when we cannot get anything to take root and the soil is hard and unforgiving- it’s part of the plan.
I hope I can remember that now, moving forward, again and always on the curling crest of my future. It really is about faith.
If you’d like to read the letter, click this link.
Dandelion Mama 
I love self-reflection.
As I walked along the banks of the Danube, in Budapest, I had a moment of pause, a moment urging me to look back. With my camera in my hand (I find that my camera teaches me life lessons that I would not listen to any other way, it is my way, not for everyone). As I turned around I caught a breathtaking view. Had I not “looked back” I would have missed a view! My life lesson…it is necessary to look back, to reflect. We need to remember where we came from, remember the lessons we have learned, and lessons we are still learning.
Writing my weekly letter, and then publishing it into books for our kids and ourselves, gives me this chance of reflection…to look back and see the decisions we have made and where we are today. In the midst of wondering at times why we choose what we choose, I can go back and see the path that led us to where we are today. It tells a story of a path you are traveling, though often don’t realize you are traveling until after the fact. When you can reflect and see that you were indeed being directed on a path, though unforseen as the future might have seemed. We are guided!
And I love that you have a friend that is publishing your blog into a book for you. Love it, cherish it…what a wonderful gift!
http://kelliemillerphotos.blogspot.com/2010/03/family-history-books-explanation.html
Love you!
When I found your blog, I went back and read the whole thing, starting at the very beginning. It is a fascinating read. I agree that your writing has improved, but it started out on a pretty high level as it was. Very exciting that she is doing this project.
I love your writing, Tracy.
(P.S. Is that one of your paintings? Is it for sale?)
I reread your first year a week or so ago and it really struck me the changes in your and made me think about the changes in mine. How life has changed, and how you have truly bloomed!! Thank you for allowing us to be part of your journey. In your healing you have helped me to heal too.
“It’s a beautiful letter, and again, especially heart wrenching given what you’ve been through lately…that first post is a powerful picture of the woman you are going to be forced to become, or, rather, the woman inside that you will be forced to find. That first post shows that she has been there, all along.”
This resonates with me on so many levels. Having lost my outside sources of comfort and peace with the passing of my mother and the departure of soon-to-be-ex, I’ve had to dig deep, really deep, to find strength within myself and from God. Who I am and the purpose for which I am here has yet to be fully realized and this is the only path upon which I can travel to get there and become Her.
I love that your posts and thoughts will soon be a book. I await news of its publication and can’t wait to dive into the literary feast that awaits. You truly are a master of words and I respect, admire, and look up to you in so many more ways than I thought was possible via The Internets.
Possibly creating something paper-y? (Like a book? Dare I hope?)
That would be wonderful!
This vantage point gives a rather impressive display of your writing and your character.
I read the whole blog a few months ago, and I said at the time it should be a book! I hope it will be. There is no need for added drama, or any exaggeration of Our Heroine.
Thank you all. I’m ready for the drama dust to settle and have some simple years, I think. However, I suspect that is not the lot I get to draw. We shall see. 😉
Sorry for the maniacal laughter when I read your comment, Tracy. I also suspect not. 😀