Random Crap: Ray of Sunshine

I’m writing my capstone right now, and can barely muster the strength to string together two extra coherent thoughts. I have three other classes besides that one, though, and a midterm today. One again, dig deep and just do it. Yep…

The following conversation took place tonight post-bath. I was handing Jeffrey a pair of clean boxer shorts and said “Here’re your clean drawers.” He look at me and said “Why do you call them ‘drawers’, Mom?”, I thought for ย second and told him my grandma had always said that, but I didn’t know why. He was shrugging them on and said “Maybe it’s because that’s where we keep our junk.” Not even kidding.

Hey, it’s the middle of April and my garage is still flooded and it’s pouring. I’m not going to miss this about Washington state one single bit. 43 degrees. Yep.

I think there is a plan coming together for my move in June. I don’t want to temp the fates and say that too loud, but it’s looking like this may actually work. Why it takes every ounce of energy and stress hormone in my body, I still don’t know, but there it is.

Abby turns six on Wednesday. Can you believe it? Anyone remember when she was born besides me? She’s lost two teeth and has another one wiggly and loose. She starts first grade in the fall. Good heavens, how’d that happen?

You think maybe there’s something to the whole vitamin D and sunlight thing effecting brain chemistry? All of you all sitting in Texas or Florida or California reading this are probably wondering wtf is up with my sucky attitude. I’ll tell you! It’s been winter here since October! And it’s practically the end of April! I’m so sick of flannel and boots. Get me out of here!

I need a job! At least part time, I need to work to pay my rent in Virginia. Anyone with any brilliant ideas or friends looking for employees, give a holler. I’ll have a communications degree in a few weeks, and I can write my way out of a paper bag. I’m kind of creative too. Sometimes.

You would not believe the yard sale I’m going to have. Old typewriters, sewing machines, furniture, possibly the piano, ten years of fabric accumulation, kids clothes and shoes are going to massively purged, kitchen crap, toys… I think I’m even going to sell Fakey Fakerson. Turning over some new needles. Or something.

I was going to get rid of all our baby toys, but shhh…. I went to do it, and instead I ended up tenderly packing a box of my very favorite toys from my kids’ babyhood. I have no idea what I’m going to do with them, but what’s one small box? Don’t tell anyone.

The other day I sat down with my ex-husband and talked about the move, and the kids, and changes coming at me and the kids- most of them welcome and exciting. It was a hard talk- or at least I had been anticipating it being hard. Instead, I was reminded of the graceful human he can be, and the man he was before addiction destroyed our lives. ย As hard as it is to remember sometimes, this hurt everyone, not just me and the kids. Stay away from teh drugs, kiddos.

Mo is coming over to see me (and steal some furniture) in a couple weeks. She wants my green desk chair. Should I give it to her? A great deal of this blog was written from that apple-green chair…

I’m already worrying about what the humidity in Virginia is going to do to my hair. Heather O. says to just give it up now. I’m so afraid.

Some happy things: Uniform-sized boxes. Highlights done at home. Draw Something. Bean eating Cheerios. Abby writing short stories. Jeffrey making himself a necklace. WD40. Clinique Happy. Melatonin. Clean laundry. Tape guns and Sharpies. Yard sales. Downsizing. Rosebud Mint lipbalm. L’Occitane hand cream. Wooden baby rattle. My iPod. ย Cell phones. Believing in love.

Clearly I was wrong about not being able to write anything else… now if it’s coherent or not is another discussion entirely.

I can’t really remember what the sun looks like, but I know it’s out there somewhere, and I have faith that I’ll feel its warmth again.

21 thoughts on “Random Crap: Ray of Sunshine

  1. I’m not sure the humidity of Virginia will be substantially different for your hair than the humidity of Washington. It gets hotter here, so it sucks more to be outside during the summer, but your hair should be about the same. Actually, my hair frizzes all over the place in the Pacific Northwest, but doesn’t as much in the Mid-Atlantic region. (Of course, now my hair is only 1-2 inches long, so it doesn’t actually do that anymore, but before I chopped it all off a couple years ago, that’s how it was.)

  2. I think maybe writing non-school stuff has a similar effect on you to vitamin D synthesis. You seemed a lot more chipper by the end there…..

  3. On dark, dreary days, I remind myself that, no matter where I am, just a couple thousand feet straight above me, the sun is brilliant and warm. Some days I’m able to mentally bust through those clouds and feel it’s warmth fill me.

  4. That box of favorite baby toys? I have one, too. Shh… Actually, my family knows me well enough to know it is going. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I am thoroughly impressed with your ability to let go. My brain knows it is just stuff and we are facing first world problems with our own downsizing move, but my heart is still grasping… You are better at this than I am, my friend!

    Your load is heavy – school, kids, daily life, purging, packing, getting ready to move cross-country… How could it *not* require every ounce of energy and stress?! Just keep taking things one step, one minute, one breath, at a time. ( Hugs )

  5. I remember when Abby was born. I had my baby in December and then nursed my baby and read your blog as you dealt with those last few months of sickness (feeling awful for you because you were so sick for so long!) I loved that you named her Abigail, it had been one of the names I had thought about for my little girl. I love reading about how you and all your children are doing, But there is a special place in my heart for Abby, because I have “watched” her and my daughter grow these last few years.
    Funny how blogs lets us “know” people without knowing them in real life.

    • I love that Karen. Thank you for sharing. I have met some of my dearest friends through blogging, and I do feel the connections are real- re: Michelle AM and Em. And so many others. I’m happy to know you feel a connection, and that our daughters have *grown up* together, in an entirely modern way of thinking. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. You + me in DC. Squeeeeeeee! Dinners on me. I’ll have to figure out a time to get up there. I’ll be 3hours away. Accessible via train. Doing my very first garage sale this weekend (literally, never even been to one). Maybe with proceeds I’ll buy all your material long distance… Only then I’ll have to move it. Gah.

    Has it really been that long?

  7. I remember pre-Abby. How crazy is it that we’ve known each other for that long now? The humidity in VA can get pretty bad. And kitchen stuff at your yard sale, you say? I may need to send my mother over in my place…

  8. Ness, I know! Seriously, if you want met to send you a box of my favorite fabric, I totally will.

    H, send your mom over- she can pre-shop. Lisa is. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. DC in the summer is awful! We arrived the first time Sept.1 and I swore I couldn’t breath, there was no oxygen in the air, just water. I had moved from the CA desert, and the contrast was too much. The second time we arrived in Jan. and summer came on gradual and didn’t bother me so much. I always missed the CA blue skies though, the humidity mutes the blues. I admit the grey skies in WA get pretty grim after a while. I still miss the blue. There are any things to love back there, though. Have fun.

  10. and I thought this post was going to be about me!! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Jeffrey’s comment made me lol – in the library. Thanks a lot.

  11. I remember when Abby was born. I was so relieved that you wouldn’t have to throw up anymore! I was forever giving updates to my husband, “Tracy M is pregnant and she is soooo sick.” “Tracy M had her BABY!” He wondered if I knew you IRL, and I had to say no. But it feels like I do, even if you don’t really know me. But I know Nestle in real life, so that’s almost!

  12. We are going the opposite direction, going from Midwestern humidity to western high desert. We’ve also been in the East and South. I am already in withdrawals. Despite the humidity, I love this area. I’ll miss the green, the trees, and so much more. You have a lot to look forward to enjoying! (But yeah, your first summer will particularly suck as you attempt to adjust to the climate changes!)

    • Yeah, I remember that adjustment when I first moved here. I cried a lot because I missed the yellow sunshine and blue skies of my first 29 years in California. It was hard. I feel like moving to Virginia is almost like going home- minus the humidity. I look at pictures of the area I’m moving and it’s green and warm and flowering already- and it’s still gloomy and cold and rainy here. And will be still for a bit. I’m just going to have to go curly with my hair and not fight it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  13. Have you tried leave-in conditioners mixed with styling oil? Kiehl’s Silk Groom is the leave in I use- pricy- $30 every two months- but allows me to have wash and wear, long, thick and curly hair in DC (lived there after grad school.) The brand of oil does not matter at all. (As good as this solution is- wearing a head band while your hair is drying is important to keep it in check.)

    Boy do I feel silly for chiming in on this subject ๐Ÿ˜‰

    On a more serious note, with your writing skills, I think you should spend some time thinking about how to be self-employed. And barring that- maybe you could be a Task Rabbit (its a service where people can post and ask for tasks to be completed- anything from please pick up my cleaning- to make scrapbooks for me. People post the task that needs to be completed and Task Rabbits can respond with a price for the job.)

    • Oooooh very interesting, Abby. I would LOVE to get paid to write- I just haven’t got a clue how to go about it. I’ll google Task Rabbit. I’d dearly love to be able to make money and still be flexible enough for my kids. I’ve managed school so far mostly while they are at school, with only a few night classes. If I could keep that up, I’d be SO happy.

      I have some Kiehl’s Silk Groom- haven’t used it because I wasn’t sure what to do with it. What’s hair oil, and where do I get it? And then do I mix it with the Kiehls?

  14. Put a dollop of silk groom into the palm of your hand (a quarter’s worth.) Mix that with some water and work through your wet hair. The styling oil is not at all crucial or important. I have used one from bumble+bumble and Kiehl’s – I am not convinced the oil matters- there is probably a drugstore brand that would work just fine- check in the hair products area- these oils are usually sold in smallish bottles and have a clear liquid often called a hair serum to sound fancy.

    I’ll keep my eyes open for writing opportunities and would be happy to post a blurb about you and your skills to my networks- I am in the Bay Area- so there is a good demand for people to help with small companies that can’t hire a full-time person.

    Here is an article from Tech Crunch I just read about the need for family oriented tech start-ups. I don’t offer this link to suggest you start a tech company now, only to show you that your expertise as a mother and educator could be prized in the marketplace.

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